Hello to anyone that reads this,
I hope you're well, it's currently 6.30am and I've been up all night worrying about how today will go. Today is the first day I will see my mum after her secondary breast cancer diagnosis last week and I'm dreading it!
Back story - im 26 years old and my mum is 51, me and my mum have a tricky relationship after one day about 4 years ago she up and left her marriage and entire family to be with someone who lived 150 miles away. She didnt speak to any if her children for nearly a year, me and my sister get on better with her now but I think it's been quite forced as we both have children and want them to have a relationship with their granny...so it's a strained relationship to say the least. We see each other maybe every few months and it's always us going to her/making the effort.
Anyway, in November 2022 my mum was diagnosed with breast cancer, she had a lumpectomy, thought that was that and then declined any further treatment that was advised (against all our advice may I add). Fast forward to early august 2023 my mum starts complaining of bad pain in back and abdomen. GP says its muscular, IBS, bad posture etc...
September 2023 and she finds another lump in same breast as before, back to breast clinic after weeks of umming and ahhing and after testing and scans etc have now diagnosed with secondary breast cancer with mets to spine and liver...
They havent started any treatment yet, but without sounding like a cow bag I know my mum, I know she will struggle to accept any kind of treatment, the woman wont even willingly take antibiotics or paracetamol. She has a huge medical/medicine fear/paranoia.
I've always found her views on medicine tricky as I work in a hospice and I'm around controlled medications and have the idea that keeping people pain free is absolutely the way to go.
Not really sure what advice I'm after, maybe I just needed to vent.
So angry that shes in this position now after declining further treatment the first time around.
Hi Mumofthevibe and welcome to the Macmillan Community but so sorry to hear about your mum’s diagnosis.
Venting is often a good move as it’s a foundation to move forward……. and the community is a safe place to do this.
I am the one with the cancer….. (24 years incurable) and your situation is totally alien to me but you may find getting support from others who are dealing with the ‘exact same' support challenges can help a lot.
The Community is actually divided into Support Groups (Discussion Rooms) and when it comes to the practical and emotional challenges of supporting family and friends you may benefit from joining and posting in our Family and Friends support group where you will connect with others navigating the exact same support challenges.
To connect with a group click on this link > Family and Friends then once the group page opens click on “Click to Join” when the black banner appears or “Join” under “Group Tools” (this all depends on the device you are using)
You can then put up your own post when you’re ready by clicking “+new” or “+” in the top right next to the group title. You can copy and paste the text from this post into your new post. You can also scroll through other members posts and click “Reply” to get involved.
The Macmillan Support Line is open 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00. This service provides cancer information, practical information, emotional support or just a listening ear.
Talking to people face to face can be very helpful so do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing and support all the family.
Do get back to me if you need further help navigating the community ((hugs))
