Feeling guilty, mum in her final weeks

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After being diagnosed in May and being really strong and positive throughout, my mum became very ill very suddenly and last week she was admitted where they discovered another tumour on her liver, blood clots in her lungs and failing kidneys on top of the tumours in her lungs, kidney and brain. I knew then what the outcome would be and have been to visit her in hospital but my issue is that I live 4 hours away and she’s now been given maybe 2 weeks left. I don’t know what to do for the best, I feel if I travel back home and I wait around for her to pass my mental health will decline rapidly and for my sake I would prefer to continue working and keep some normality for as long as possible and hope the hospital is able to give me enough notice to get there for her final days/hours but I’m feeling overwhelmingly guilty for thinking this way and not prioritising her needs (she is barely conscious most of the time so I’m not sure if she’d actually really know I was there but I still feel awful for not being there). I was hoping someone who’s been in a similar situation could help with some advice? 

  • Hi  and a very warm welcome to the online community which I hope you'll find is both an informative and supportive place to be.

    I'm sorry to read that your mum has maybe a couple of weeks left and it must be an incredibly difficult time for you.

    As you know the online community is divided up into different support groups so I'm going to recommend that you also join and post in the supporting someone with incurable cancer group as that will give you the chance to connect directly with others who have a loved one nearing the end of their life.

    To join, just click on the link I've created and, once you've joined, you can start a new post in the same way as you did here and join in with existing conversations by clicking on 'reply'.

    Sending virtual ((hugs))

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     "Never regret a day in your life, good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience"

  • Hi Jayseedubs, so very sorry to hear about your mum.  I don't know if it is just the region I live in [East Anglia] but when my dear mother was at End of Life in hospital they allowed me to stay in the hospital overnight.  OK - I'm retired so have no job commitments, but I was able to 'do' the night shift and my brother did the day shift. It might be worth asking.  I feel so sorry for you and your dilemma - sending you love and hugs.  Zebra