Hi, my best friend of over 30 years is being treated for bladder cancer.
She and her husband are nearly 80, it's been a terrible shock to everyone as they have both always been fit & active.
She has had several courses of chemo in preparation for extensive surgery planned for early November, and the treatment has flattened her. She is in too much discomfort to leave the house except for medical treatment, she has just had 5 days in hospital for an infection as her immune system is compromised by the chemo and has come out looking so much worse.
I visit as often as they ask, her husband is very deeply upset although, being of the 'stiff upper lip' age group, tries not to show it.
They have never been huggy-kissy people however in recent weeks her husband is becoming tearful when I leave. He sees me down their drive to my car and keeps his composure until out of sight of the house, but cannot keep it up once she can't see his distress.
My feeling is that it's ok for him to let his emotion overcome his reticence when his wife isn't aware, I've said the stiff-upper-lip is for her and it doesn't matter if he lets his distress show to me, as I share it and am not in the least embarrassed.
Do people feel that's the right approach or should I tell him to pull himself together? I'm sure he does so before returning to the house but unsure if his embarrassment at showing his distress is making it worse for him.
They have been like family to me for decades now, all advice welcome, thanks for reading.
Hi LizM and a very warm welcome to the online community which I hope you'll find is both an informative and supportive place to be.
I'm sorry to read that your friend has been diagnosed with bladder cancer and it's great that you want to be as supportive as possible.
The online community is divided up into different support groups so I'm going to recommend that you join the family and friends group as you'll then connect directly with others who are supporting someone living with cancer.
To join just click on the link I've created and, once you've joined, you can start a new post in the same way as you did here and join in with existing conversations by clicking on 'reply'.
"Never regret a day in your life, good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience"
