Worried about my Mam

Hi Sunshine9 I’m so sorry to read your post. It sounds like maybe you need to speak to someone in your mum’s team to be sure. I have advanced bowel cancer, which started in my bowel and has spread twice in my liver. I’m taking chemo tablets too, but have only been on them since 31st May, and have only just had my first 3monthly scan. I’d be more than happy to help if I can once I’ve got my results. Have you thought about speaking to a Macmillan nurse? They really are very good. Wishing you and your mum well.

Hi Jools63 thank you so much for replying to my post and for your kind words which I am very thankful for.

My Mams nurse doesn’t really say a lot unfortunately she is great at listening but not so much at the facts. My mam was given upto two year life expectancy which she can’t now seem to get out of her head and I wonder if there is anyone on here that are living well beyond this I can tell her about as I think this would give her hope to live rather than give up if this makes sense.  It has been a year now since her diagnosis and she is exactly the same and her anxiety is terrible, electric shocks through her body and fear. 
good luck for your first scan results and I send you love and hugs.
I will mention to my mam about Macmillan nurse but I think it is someone with a similar diagnosis that would help her more but your post is lovely and I will read it to her and I’m sure it will help. Thank you so much x

Hi Sunshine9 sorry to hear about your mam……. I am the one with an incurable cancer  and my journey is rather different. I do see you have posted in our Liver cancer group…. and you may benefit from joining and posting in our Carers only and our Supporting someone with incurable cancer support groups where you will connect with others navigating the exact same support challenges.

Thank you Thehighlander for sharing your story and offering advice, this is very much appreciated. I am just learning to navigate around the site so any help and advice is greatly appreciated  x

Have a read of the profile of Court. Her mum has been in treatment for cancer for years. Sorry that sounds blunt, but she’s an inspiration. Could be the hope you’re looking for.

Hi Sunshine9 

I'm sorry to read of your mum's anxiety and fear re her diagnosis and prognosis. This is just a suggestion but I wondered how your mum would feel about setting up her own account on the community and joining us at our group  Living with incurable cancer forum - patients only 

We are a positive group of folks that all have incurable cancer but all different types. I think it may help your mum to get to know us and learn how we manage day to day life. There is a daily chit chat thread which is just chat about ordinary things, how everyone is doing, plans for the day etc. There are groups for book clubs, gardening, baking, obviously all online. I think it may help your mum and remind her of the things she likes to do. The main thing though is the understanding and support she will get from people who understand as we are in the same position. Hope to meet your mum over there, the link is above. Best regards.

A x

Hi sistermoon and thank you for your lovely message, I am going to show my Mam and hope she will join the forum as I think it will be  just what she needs to talk to other lovely people in a similar situation to her who could help with her fears and anxiety and I know she would be a good support to other people.  My mam is my everything and I don’t know how I can give her hope or take her fears away but there are so many lovely people on the forums who I know could help her. Thank you so much xx

Hi Sunshine9 

Many thanks for your reply. Look forward to welcoming your mum. The fellow group members are great. Best wishes xxx

Hello Sunshine - I am so sorry to hear about your mum's prognosis and what a difficult time for both you and your mum.   You sound like a lovely caring daughter, trying everything to help your mum.   I see there are some really good replies already to your post and good suggestions. 

I read your post the other day and wanted to think about replying before i did, as I do not have the experience your mam has with the type of cancer she has.   However I did want to reply in respect of the fear -   I instantly connected with the 'fear' as I recall experiencing significant fear when I was first diagnosed - this went on for several months.   It was absolutely horrible to experience.   It came and went regularly.   Whilst we all accept the fear as natural - it doesn't make it any easier!    How I deal with my fear is that  I do a lot of grounding (keeping myself in a pleasant present) - watching the sky/clouds, pottering in the garden, listening to birds, watching TV.   As soon as I feel the fear coming on - I am up doing something.  I either go upstairs and tidy up, do some laundry, clean the benches down - sort of physical activity.  And I keep going until I feel more tired than scared.   I then make myself a nice cup of tea and sit down.   I do loads of self care!

It may help your mam to talk to a counsellor who specialises in working with people who have a cancer diagnosis.  Maybe to help her navigate her fear - the diagnosis may be triggering other things for her and she may have worries that she simply cannot talk about as they are just too frightening.  Sometimes saying them out loud can feel very unsafe but she may benefit from having somewhere safe to take her fears where she can have the right support.   I see someone has suggested your mum join a couple of the groups on here - that is a great idea.   I rarely spoke when I first joined but took a lot of comfort in reading the posts/replies of others.   Then I got the confidence to post and reply myself.   It has really helped me.

I do also keep reminding myself that no one can be certain about their future.

Just keep being the amazing daughter you clearly are - helping your amazing mum.  Hugs xx

Hello pickles1959.  Thank you so much for your lovely kind message, it is so very thoughtful.  I am going to show my mam and I’m sure it will help her as well as the other lovely messages I have received.  The fear is the biggest factor for my Mam, she has seen cancer counsellors and psychologist but unfortunately they haven’t helped her so far.  She has started to go back to bed on a morning which I don’t think is good for her but I do understand she feels she doesn’t have to face it if she goes back to bed. 
I am really trying to encourage her to join the community to speak to all of you amazing people or even just to read your stories which I know will help and support her.  I work so I can’t always go over to see her every morning and I just want to be the best support I can for her and don’t always know if what I say and suggest is best and sometimes feel I say the wrong thing.

I am overwhelmed by the kindness people have when already facing so much themselves, thank you with all my heart .  x