I am in recovery after 3 surgeries and radiotherapy and chemotherapy and struggling to be the man and father i was my girl's have been the rocks I needed to see me through this but i m scared because I'm not not the same confident man i was
Hello Mike1976
I am sorry to see that you had to undergo 3 surgeries, radiotherapy and chemotherapy for your cancer. All that cancer treatment is a huge thing to go through and like you I am finding it hard to just bounce back and be the person I was before it all happened. My confidence is still low- my surgery was April 2022, Chemo May-Aug and then radiotherapy Aug and Sept. For me however much support you have from others it is still you that has to go through it all both physically and mentally. I found that once I was diagnosed everything was a bit like a whirlwind and not a lot of time to think and process it all. I saw my oncologist post treatment at the end of October 2022 and I feel that once November came along that is when I was able to begin to work through everything.
Although the treatment has worked for me it was almost a bit of an anti climax and it still felt a bit flat to be honest. I think as well I was having so many appointments- particularly during radiotherapy- 5 weeks, daily- that it is almost a comfort blanket that they are checking on you daily. I still have physical effects from the treatments that some days are hard to manage but the working through it mentally takes time. During chemo I was pretty much isolated as could not go out much due to the infection risk. During radiotherapy my tummy was affected so much that it was actually difficult to leave home and be too far from a toilet. I think just those things make you lose confidence. I think also the shock of being diagnosed with a serious and potentially life threatening illness just makes you take stock of things and you begin to learn what is important in life. You do not, in my experience, just bounce back.
You say that your girls have been your rocks- they clearly have been there for you and must love you a lot- you must not be scared that you have been changed by this experience. It would not be normal, I feel, not to change. Talk to your girls, I am sure, like my son has been, that they are just so grateful that you are still here. Give yourself lots of time and pace yourself. Do things bit by bit and your confidence will slowly begin to rise. That is what I have found. I still struggle some days but I am now starting to feel a bit more myself, its been a long and slow journey though.
If you feel to talk to someone would help, they are great on the support line- I have used them myself, and they can also offer some counselling through BUPA if needed. I also found sometimes just writing down on here how I felt was really helpful- just to get those feelings out.
I hope this helps a bit. Hang in there- it does get easier
Jane
