Dad refusing care and has neck, liver and adrenal cancer

Hi LisaRelative and a very warm welcome to the online community which I hope you'll find is both an informative and supportive place to be.

I'm sorry to read about the difficulties you're facing trying to get your dad to accept help and support.

As you know, the online community is divided up into different support groups, so I hope you don't mind me suggesting that you also join and post in the family and friends group where you might find others who have faced a similar dilemma.

To join, just click on the link I've created and, once you've joined, you can start a new post in the same way as you did here, and join in with existing conversations by clicking on reply.

It would be great if you could pop something about your dad's diagnosis and treatment so far into your profile as it really helps others when replying to you and also when looking for someone on a similar pathway. It also means that you don't have to keep repeating yourself. To do this click on your username and then select 'Profile'. You can amend it at any time and if you're not sure what to write you can take a look at mine by clicking on my username.

x

Yes will do thanks xx

Hi . I can relate to this with my mum who sadly died of MND during covid lockdown  . She was in hospital , she couldn’t talk,  she couldn’t swallow so couldn’t eat or drink. Refused a peg that would have allowed her to survive longer . I battled and begged her to reconsider . The hospital she was in said she had mental capacity to make her own decisions. They were sending her home alone during lockdown and like yourself I was 3 hours away .  Leading up to her leaving , I got In touch with adult social services to get nurses  ,  I had a the lifeline put into the house , keysafe and I ordered meals on wheels . yes she couldn’t eat but they offered a daily welfare check.  My mum didn’t agree to any of this .  I battled with the hospital quoted duty of care.  Day before discharge she saw sense and agreed to go into the hospice thinking they were going to  make her better and send her home.  She never made it home . 
 
You  need to make his home safe and put things into place,  like the lifeline you may be able to get these through the council .  For my mother in law who recently died we had age uk going in , this was like a befriending service  they sat in the house and drank a cup of tea , we called adult social services to get her assessed . She had altzeimers.  It’s worth calling adult social services for a chat  to see what they can offer you in your dads area . 

i hope you get things sorted for your dad . I remember the consultants saying my mums generation didn’t like to be told what hat to do and all reasoning goes out the window . 

Thanks so much for this and sorry to hear you also went through the same ️

Great will do thanks