Has anyone any words of wisdom on how to deal with my mums diagnosis?
Bit of background, 61f with inoperable esophageal cancer with lung cancer too, heavy smoker for over 40 years. She has had a stent fitted to help the dysphagia. Prognosis was "poor" but no real idea how long. She is a really frail, thin and looks so old. She is a really private and independent woman that asking for help appears really hard for her.
As for me, 33m with bouts of depression controlled by myself with techniques learnt over the years and the help of my kids who I adore and wife who supports me.
I feel guilty for writing, feel guilty for feeling so low because it's not me that's going through the worst of this. This coupled with something happening at work that is damaging to my mental health and it feels so much/too much (at times). I try to keep Mum smiling and laughing (I am a bit of a joker) but even that feels so hard to do, just because I feel low about it probably, not that there isn't anything to joke about. The quiet times are the worst, where I question "what she is doing now?" "How will this end?" "What will the end look like?" "Will she be in pain?" "What do the days after look like?" I'm not after answers, I doubt, I think maybe writing things down will help me deal with it, so I can help Mum deal with it.
Thanks for reading
Hi Culer32 and a very warm welcome to the online community which I hope you'll find is both an informative and supportive place to be.
I'm sorry that your mum has oesophageal cancer and also lung cancer, although is the lung cancer a spread from her oesophageal cancer?
As you know, the online community is divided up into different support groups so I'm going to recommend that you also join and post in the oesophageal cancer group as this will give you the opportunity to connect directly with others who have this type of cancer.
If your mum's lung cancer is a secondary then there is also a secondary lung cancer group which you might want to take a look out. However, if your mum's lung cancer is a primary then the lung cancer group has lots of helpful people in it.
You might also like to join the family and friends group as this is a safe and supportive place to discuss your worries and emotions with others who have a loved one who is living with cancer.
To join any or all of these groups, just click on the links I've created which will take you directly there. You can then join and start a new post in the same way as you did here and join in with existing conversations by clicking on 'reply'.
It would be great if you could pop something about your mum's diagnosis and treatment so far into your profile as it really helps others when replying to you and also when looking for someone on a similar pathway. It also means that you don't have to keep repeating yourself. To do this click on your username and then select 'Profile'. You can amend it at any time and if you're not sure what to write you can take a look at mine by clicking on my username.
x
"Never regret a day in your life, good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience"
