Hoping for a miracle

Hi Kezzy80, I saw your post and felt your distress so thought I'd reply so you didn't feel you were being ignored.  You must be very scared and upset right know and maybe angry-- all normal feelings.  I'm so sorry I don't have any personal knowledge of positive information regarding your mum's prognosis. 

 My mum was diagnosed with stage four with minimal symptoms and I remember how I felt.  It's such an awful disease hon and lots of people have found themselves with a stage four diagnosis out of nowhere, sometimes with very few symptoms. Stage four is diagnosed when the cancer has travelled to other organs in the body, it travels either because it's close to the original cancer site or via the lymphatic system.  I know you say that it was only found in one lymph node but there are so many in the abdomen and they can't all be tested.   Surgery isn't always an option at stage four as the removal of organs doesn't always reduce the possiblity of further spread sadly (research has shown this is often true).  Your mum's chemo may well shrink the tumours she has already which may increase her time with fewer symptoms.  

Maybe it could be a good idea for you both to talk with your mum's oncology consultant and/or your mum's bowel specialist nurse to talk these issues through and that should be able to explain their reasons for not offering surgery as an option.  

You both need love and support right now, palliative services are for anyone with cancer at any stage so that's a good service to access.  I send you both all my love and huge hugs to support you at this difficult time hon xx

Hi,

My wife is in a similar position to your mum: she has just started FOLFOX chemo for stage 4 oesophageal cancer.

When we first got this news, we also wondered why surgery wasn't an option. The oncologist explained to us that, once the cancer has spread, the only really viable approach to take is a whole-body systemic one. The problem is that there's no way to know where the cancer might be lurking, so chemo is the only sensible treatment.

In addition, in my wife's case, one of her secondaries is a position where surgery would be both very difficult and very risky. If secondaries could be easily removed by surgery, I think that might be done - but I can understand why surgery like that isn't endlessly pursued: it could become like a counterproductive game of whack-a-mole.

When I first heard the word 'palliative' in the context of my wife's treatment, I was immediately scared - I had always associated that word with end-of-life treatment intended to deal with the symptoms only. But actually it's much more optimistic than that. In this context, the treatment is called 'palliative' in contrast to 'curative' , and the intention is to knock back the secondary cancers, as well as to provide symptomatic relief. I have an acquaintance who has been having palliative chemo for about ten years now, and is able to get on with normal work and life in between chemo sessions.

I'm not sure whether or not my reply here will give you any reassurance, but it's where I'm currently at - and, in my wife's case, I am hoping for a good outcome. (That said, we are both aware that the chemo itself will be hard to take, and are braced for that.)

I'm sending you and your mum my best wishes - look after each other!

Kezzy80 I really hope things are going ok with your mum.  I wanted to say that I agree with some things that PTP said too.  There are people on here who as they say have been labelled as palliative but who are surviving some years on with treatments keeping everything at bay but not "curing" the whole disease.

Take x

hi all, we are in the same boat. My mum has gone from being fit, healthy, working 3 weeks ago with no symptoms to now not being able to swallow food or drink with oesophageal cancer. We have now been told they are unable to preform surgery as it has spread to lymph nodes and spots on adrenal glands. They are fitting a stent this week to allow her to drink and slowly start to eat. Does anyone have any experience in this area, should chemotherapy follow this procedure? Thanks all, and wishing you all the best of luck x

Hi sorry for the late reply, surprisingly mam is very positive  taking it in her stride, she goes for a pic line put in on wed and chemo starts friday, i just worry once the treatment starts and she starts feeling really horrible she will start to loose that positivity and start giving up. Unfortunately thats what happened with my poor sister 10 yrs ago, the chemo sucked the life out of her, she passed away within 18mnth of diagnosis, i dont think i can face the same thing happening to my mam. My sisters little boy was only 4 at the time, my parents bring him up as no father on the scene. He will have to watch the same thing happen all over again. Life is so cruel.