So angry

Hi Bec welcome to the forum  and that sounds like a really difficult situation for you. You are the only person who can decide what to do here and no one is going to judge you here, that's for sure, you need to do whats is best for you in the long run.

Maybe if you decided to go see him you have some rules this time and you keep them to keep you intact, and he will just have to accept that thats how things are going to be for now. Would that work for you or not? Its not an easy one and I do hope that you are able to make the right choice for you. xxxx

Hi, thank you, your words they mean alot, I have been to see him and it was so upsetting, I am going to keep seeing him until the end I think this is for the better, then I'll have no regrets, it's going to hurt like hell because he is going to break my heart again but it will be for the last time, if I don't do this then I will have regrets for not being there regardless of the past , the anger I suppose is part of the grieving process.  I'm sorry if this sounds garbled but my mind and thoughts are all over the place. 

Hi Bec,

As Granny59 says , you are the only one who can make a decision. Now you have seen him, although it leaves you still in  a difficult place, you have made the move. I think you are right that it will be better for you to not have regrets later. Your grief when it comes ( and it is already with you) may be complicated by a difficult relationship over many years - so I would advise you to seek some support via counselling with your "anticipatory grief" before he dies. That way you can vent your feelings to someone safe and be in a better place to see your dad. McMillan may be able to help or a local bereavement service.

Remember to take care of yourself too.

xx

Thank you, all the advice I have recieved so far from you all it has been so helpful if that is the right words. I have a great support network at home too my husband and three children have been great which also helps immensely, they just let me get on with my out bursts and tears. Xx

Bec, I just wanted to say that I admire your decision re going to see your father.  Whatever has stopped him from connecting properly with you in the past is not relevant right now.  It's vital for your grieving to see him now and gain a connection of sorts. The grief you feel re his lack of attention to you growing up may still remain but to be "the bigger person" and reach out will benefit you too in the long run.

I came home from Australia when my mum was dying although we had a terrible relationship.  I expected nothing from her to make up for the years of abuse from her but it was good for me, not immediately but in time as I could always feel I did all I could.  There was no magical loving reunion or explanations from her which was good, I'm a realist generally and I've been a palliative care nurse too so I like to think I absorbed some wise brain bits.

Hope it goes well for you and I know it will be hard and possibly upsetting but so worth doing hon xx

Bec, how are you doing hon?

I really hope you and your dad have been able to meet up and get on for a short time at least.  It is so difficult to do this but the benefit long term is yours xx