Lost

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I feel completely lost, this has been a lonely, hard journey.

I have ovarian cancer, three kids and a partner. I have had six cycles of carboplatin, de bulking surgery and now I'm on parp inhibitors. Every step has been faced alone in terms of all the appointments due to covid and the surgery.

I have worked through it as best I can to stop the half pay. I work from home a lot. It's lonely. My job is usually a face to face job.

I was feeling awful today so I text my partner, I've just started on parps and they have made me feel ill. I text my partner saying this and how I didn't think I cud cope with them.

Tonight my partner says it stresses him out if he's in work and gets a message like this from me. Can I not text him in work, he's anxious about it all and it stresses him.

I feel exhausted, I'm doing everything for the kids, working full time and he also says I should tell the kids to do more, they are teenagers, we all know what they are like.

He has his own health problems I feel exhausted and now I feel like I've no one to say I'm feeling awful to.

Vanburnholdem over 3 years ago

Hey, you can tell me.

I feel pretty bad meself! FLOT chemotherapy programme for the stomach cancer AND prostate cancer.

Look forward, stay positive, do some new things. Telephone a friend or relative when feeling lonely. I find a radio at home when im working helps.

Best wishes to you and your partner.

Joe

Dynasty over 3 years ago in reply to Vanburnholdem

Thanks Joe, I've found the radio helpful too. The nausea at the moment isn't controlled they added a new pill in yesterday, I hope it works.

I'm trying to stay positive , all I want to.do today is cry. I was starting to feel better and this new medication has knocked me sideways.

What new things did you do that have helped? I barely have the energy but I know I need to try. I'm in work 6 days ATM so trying to find the time to fit anything in, the cost of living has gone up hasn't it. I financially support my kids on my own and parent pretty much alone. It is hard but see a little tiny smile just popped in there for a second when you mentioned doing something new :) .

winkers60 over 3 years ago in reply to Dynasty

Hi Dynasty,I’m so sorry you are feeling ill and alone.I hope you get some support on here.It’s hard to stay positive all the time.Personally I don’t think there is anything wrong with a good cry if you feel like it.You are doing so well to be working and caring for children.Perhaps they would help out more if you told them how you are feeling ? It’s too much on your shoulders to be coping with when you are ill.I cared full time for my disabled mother when I had cancer but it got too much after I had surgery.I found getting outside even just for a few minutes helped mentally.I used to sit quietly in the garden and listen to the birds.I hope the new pill helps the nausea.I feel alone and ill too,it’s so hard.Love and best wishes Jane xx

Dynasty over 3 years ago in reply to winkers60

Thank you so much life gets so hard sometimes doesn't it. I have tried to listen to the radio today it is helping a little . Doesn't help with those sudden feelings of panic that are over whelming XXX. Did your mum get a care package? I'm not surprised it was too much after cancer and surgery it's really hard xxx

winkers60 over 3 years ago in reply to Dynasty

Hi Dynasty,Mum had respite care funding for a year and then I was told she wasn’t eligible for nursing funding and would have to come home.She came home and I managed with the help of 2 carers.It was 8 months after my surgery and bending over all the time was so difficult.Mum had some heart problems and went back into hospital and then another home.By that time her dementia was much worse.I fought for nursing care funding and was successful.Mum was well looked after in a nursing home for just over a year.She died 11 weeks ago.I miss her very much.I’m clearing out the house as it has to be sold.I’ve lived here for 24 years so I don’t really want to move.I’m executor of mum’s will so there has been a lot to sort out.My partner is very supportive but he has a rare muscle disease and other health problems.My sister lives near by but she works full time.Love Jane xx

Dynasty over 3 years ago in reply to winkers60

Maybe moving is a new start? But I can't imagine how incredibly hard that must be especially if you don't want to move, sad that these things lead to this. Already dealing with the loss of your mum then having to pack everything up to move. Big (((((((hugs)))))) xxx

winkers60 over 3 years ago in reply to Dynasty

Thanks,I’ll be sad to leave the garden as I’ve worked so hard on it.Mum’s estate is being shared between me and my sister.Mum changed her will as she didn’t trust my sister’s dodgy boyfriend.A good decision but it means the house has to be sold.Are you feeling any better on the new pills ? I really hope they help,nausea is miserable.Hugs to you and thanks for your support.Love Jane xx

Dynasty over 3 years ago in reply to winkers60

Nausea slightly better today but I was in work and I forgot to go get the rest of my pills. I'm a nurse and working from home and work put a lot of pressure on me today and it wasn't at the top of my head.

Silly me, will have to phone go out of hours now and see if they can help. But no doubt will pay dearly for letting work take me away from myself x

Vanburnholdem over 3 years ago in reply to Dynasty

Hello

Having a weep now and then not a bad thing.

The new things I've done recently are ...joining groups. One is is film club and a over 60s group and a local history group. Also joined my local cricket club to watch live cricket.Also i bought some oils, brushes and will start painting.!

Sounds a bit dull, but it's helping me, distracting me , keeping me busy. I find reading very very difficult.

Best wishes to you dynasty