My husband has stage 4 melanoma with multiple brain tumours. He is in denial and planning a trip with the Morgan 3 wheelers to Sweden in July! He can not understand not getting travel insurance and says he will lie or travel without it! But he expects me to lie to travel with him. I will be driving if he can't! He shouldn't be!!! He needs a councillor to talk to him!he is a very stubborn, angry man and he scares me sometimes and that is why I was divorcing him before his diagnosis!Help!!
Hi FairyQueen x, I have no answers but you have reminded me of when my mother moved into a nursing home, she kept talking about when she would go home and as her old home and contents were no longer there I wasn’t sure what to say. The nursing home staff would just go along with her fantasy so as not to aggravate her, telling white lies was something I was not comfortable with but had to get used to. Sometimes in a different mood she squeezed my hand and acknowledged she new she wouldn’t go back.
Planning a trip as long as he doesn’t actually book it might be good, unless doctors ok him for travel, may be good for him. It could be that if his immunotherapy treatment is successful it is something that could be done the year after. Lying would invalidate the insurance of course but you knew that, and you have previously posted about brain mets and driving and I hope DVLC have ruled wether he can still hold a licence, for the safety of other road users.
I think these issues of how you handle your husband especially with his anger and the seriousness of implication need a specialist to help you perhaps the Macmillan support line can point you in the right direction for help for you and your husband.
Hi :) My mum is also in denial. She talks of when she comes home and "next summer" or "next year". I let her. It's unlikely she'll be here next month, let alone summer, but it's harming no one for her to plan. It's hard to hear though, knowing that she isn't going to be here. One thing I have decided though, is whatever plans she has, I will try and live them for her x
Hi Fairy Queen X,. I won't repeat the good advice from KTatHome. You are not alone in this situation of being on the point of separation from your spouse when a serious diagnosis forces you not to leave. I cannot remember who on this site but I hope they see your post and reach out. For safety's sake you need to let someone know re your fear and his aggression, perhaps your GP to start with. The personality traits he had before his diagnosis may now possibly be exacerbated by the tumours themselves and/ or his own coping mechanisms. Social services, GP, skin specialist nurse, close friend...please let someone know for you sake and his. It is an untenable position to be in. The Macmillan helpline will also listen and advise you. Keep safe and take care. Post again with any worries, xx
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