Diagnosis stage 4

Hi and a very warm welcome to the online community

I'm very sorry to read that you've been diagnosed with incurable gallbladder cancer and your feelings are all perfectly normal.

I can see that you've already found and posted in the gallbladder cancer group which I hope you'll find is a great place to ask questions around treatment and to share experiences with others who have the same type of cancer.

I hope you don't mind me suggesting that you might also like to join the living with incurable cancer group which is a safe and supportive place to openly discuss your feelings about dying, or about making the most of your life, with others who will completely understand how you feel. If this is something that you'd like to do then clicking on the link I've created will take you straight there.

Sending lots of (((hugs)))

I just wanted to send you a lot of love and hugs. I had a friend some years ago who I lost with this rare cancer. Although I'm currently being treated for stage three melanoma I am a single mum to a 21 yr old daughter who is struggling incredibly with the idea of being without me. She pretends it's not happening mostly and let's it build up til she explodes, (room trashed last night).  There's often a counselor based at the hospital who may be able to see you/your daughter individually or together.  Your local hospice or a community palliative care team will also help to support you both too, they are there for the living of life not just the dying of life. Grab a hold of whatever help you can get hon. You don't have to do this alone and you don't have to be in a hospice to access support from them.  I've been a palliative nurse for most of my life and often met people who could have accessed love and compassion sooner than at their admission.  My heart goes out to you and like you it's one of the things I'm most angry and upset about. I have four brothers but none of them or their families have stepped up to support my daughter.  The chemo unit where I have my treatment has a hospital counselor I'm going to access for her.

Sending you my kindest, warmest hugs for these really dark moments. X

Thank you so much for your kind reply. And I’m sorry that we’re all here on this terror ride one way or another.

My daughter is 14 & is also carrying on like it isn’t happening. Not told her friends, although I have advised the school. Hope it means she’s coping well but I don’t know.

At the moment am clinging to the moments that I too can forget it’s happening and wonder still how I’m putting one foot in front of the other.

Much love to you both xxx

 I am sorry you're on this terror ride too hon.  As for your precious daughter, I don't know if carrying on as normal is good or bad.  I think its just one way of dealing with it.  It is still so new and raw and she is only 14 so it will take time to process.  When you start your counselling in January I would ask for help for her and maybe they can give you some guidance. Otherwise as I said try your local hospice for advice,they can be great.  Grief and sadness are big emotions and in a young teen it can be so complicated, keep on with giving love and affection and if there are special things you two do together then suggest doing them - use Christmas as the excuse!

You sound like you are finding courage you probably didn't realise you had in putting one foot in front of the other and also finding some moments to forget.  It is all we can do for now, just one day at a time is all you need.  

As Latchbrook says the other site where people may be more open to talking about death and dying is the "living with incurable cancer" group.  They may well have young children them selves too and can help with that also.

Please take care and keep talking to whoever listens for all the support you need hon.  you are always welcome to contact me anytime.

Love to the two of you xx

dear Frightenedmama, I can't possibly begin to understand how you must be feeling but to send a virtual hug to you. 

Hi hon, just checking in with you to see how you're doing.  Hope you and your girl are finding a way through. Hugs xx