My dear mum of 77 was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer with mets to lungs in May and given a prognosis of 2-3 months, having been extremely fit and active. She was very poorly on discharge having had sepsis and came to live with us. She has been amazing and is now stable and enjoying a good quality of life. She had an ERCP stent but did not want palliative chemo. I feel so sad for mum and she is my absolute priority. We have always had such a close relationship and I was absolutely devastated. Hubby was very supportive while she was in hospital and for the first couple of months. However as she is now stable (and outwardly she looks extremely well, her only symptoms being tiredness and weakness) he says she is ok and needs to go home or he is leaving! He says he can't live with her any more. Its almost as if there was a timeline on his support - 2-3 months was ok but as she is thankfully still here now he wants his own life back. I know none of this is ideal and hubby feels like he's lost his life and no privacy. None of us asked for this. Its just me and hubby in our home - it's not huge, but we manage and we have been together 30 years. I feel he is extremely selfish and I will not abandon mum. She is reliant on me for everything and has found this extremely difficult being previously so independent. Hubby and me do get time on our own at least once a week when our daughter looks after mum for us. I don't want mum upset and have kept this from her. I have reassured mum we're on this journey together and we always will be. I'm an only child. My hubby says he's ill with depression and its all mine and mum's fault! I have tried to help him and make time for us, but I feel torn apart and it's all too much. I'm just trying to keep things normal for mum. I feel I could cope with him not here as he doesn't support me in any way - no housework, shopping, cleaning, caring etc, but trying to protect mum as I don't want her to think it's her fault. Mum feels safe here with me. Bless her, she's so vulnerable and doesn't want to go back home. I know our time is limited and we're on borrowed time and just want to make the most of however long we've got together.
Hi Izzy21 and a warm welcome to the online community
I'm sorry to read that your mum has incurable pancreatic cancer but it's great that she's currently so well.
Unfortunately a cancer diagnosis can have a huge impact on the whole family and sometimes relationships suffer. I can't offer any words of advice for your situation but though that you might like to join the carers only group which is a safe and supportive place to discuss your emotions and worries with other carers.
If this is something that you'd like to do clicking on the link I've created will take you straight there where you can join and post in the same way as you did here and join in with existing conversations by clicking on 'reply'. To save you typing this all out again just copy and paste it into your new post.
It would be great if you could pop something about your mum's diagnosis and treatment so far into your profile as it really helps others when answering or looking for someone with a similar pathway. It also means that you don't have to keep repeating yourself. To do this click on your username and then select 'Profile'. You can amend it at any time and if you're not sure what to write you can take a look at mine by clicking on my username.
If you have any difficulty navigating the community just drop me a reply and I'll be pleased to help.
x
"Never regret a day in your life, good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience"
