Hi guys,
Trying to stay positive and strong is so hard to do, family/friends are saying your doing well, you just got over this or that but they aren’t going through the procedures, endless needles, plasma exchanges, beeping throughout the night, it doesn’t stop the drenching nights, lack of sleep for hours, pain in legs and back, bad or weird dreams, wondering if you will faint from doing a simple task, losing your dignity, weight loss, constipation, feeling weak, wondering when the treatment will start to make you feel better, every day, someone will say, treatment will kick in soon…inside I hope and I just agree and get on with things but it is very hard.
Every cancer patient would love a normal life, last week I was in hospital, looking around the ward, some very sick guys, a mature guy opposite me, a lovely gentleman who has just been told he is terminal and might have a few months to live, we would often chat, share a joke but also when I looked up and saw him crying, we both shed a tear, no visitors allowed (which is reasonable) but he doesn’t want to tell his wife…sharing these experiences with others, I don’t know how to deal with this, they don’t know what to say, it’s crap, why me, why other cancer patients, it’s not fair.
Generally, I don’t show emotions but this Cancer makes me feel like half the person I was, independent, busy with life and working/saving for retirement in 15/20 years, thing is, I know I won’t be here to enjoy retirement but how do you cope with this, train your mind, think in a way to be positive and “enjoy” what time you have left….I have been searching, listening to comedy and positive podcasts which help but it comes back to the same unanswered question.
Thanks for reading and allowing me to share my feelings.
Stay safe.
Fuzzy Bear
