Sister has stage 2 liver cancer

FormerMember over 3 years ago

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Today my sister went to the hospital to discuss her case and has been told she has stage 2 liver cancer. She has been very unwell for a while and around a month ago got a abdominal scan where they found a lump 2mm. A few days ago she was throwing up blood and went to the hospital again. They took another scan and found that the lump had grown to 6cms and caused internal bleeding, they took a biopsy and found out she has stage 2 liver cancer. She is 18 and is still very young but the cancer she has is rare and there has only been 3000 cases.

When she came back today she told us all and we were obviously heart broken. We had a feeling that she had cancer but knowing it was alot worse. Everybody cried including me but it was different, I wasn't sad or anything. I felt numb. I was crying because everyone else was. I feel horrible that I'm not sad. I care so much and I'm so worried about her. I'm upset that she's ill but at the same time I'm not sad. I feel like I'm a horrible sister.

My gran mother hasn't been dealing with it well. She was also recently in hospital due to problems with her lungs and heart and they found a lump I her lung I believe. She's been constantly crying all day and won't stop talking about it. It's been very stressful. I'm staying with my gran alone currently to look after has she gets very dizzy but now that I'm the only one around she's putting all her stress on me and it's very frustrating. I deal with alot of mental health problems and when overwhelmed I shut down which is what I believe is happening now. I don't know what to do.

KTatHome over 3 years ago

Hi , it sound like you have it very tough at the moment, as to does your sister and Grandmother. I’m the cancer patient, but I’ve also experienced friends and family having cancer and the pressures of the two sides are a bit different. It sounds like you Gran is suspecting she may have cancer and so I can understand how this and your sister’s diagnosis is weighing heavily on you.

We all deal differently with news, you say you have felt worried and numb but guilty or in your words horrible as you have not felt sad. I don’t think you should feel horrible for a natural reaction, when I had my own diagnosis I laughed in disbelief at first and then also went through a numb stage, you’ve mentioned you think that’s a coping mechanism a way of shutting down to be able to cope, and I think I had that to and it became difficult to sort out how I really felt, sometimes I could only tell by listening to music. I needed to know how I felt so I could deal with it and predict when the challenging times were coming so I could preempt them with planning some activities that would help give my mind a rest, as although my feelings seemed numb the information was still wafting around. Sometimes feeling sad isn’t the right reaction, as your sister might want someone to just say you are stronger than you think, and you will cope with this, or may just want a hug.

I don’t know if your Gran has had her outpouring and things are now back to normal or wether you are still feeling overwhelmed by how to support 2 relatives when you are finding It hard as well. I did notice that you had only joined this group and I wondered if the group Family and friends - Discussion Forum, would be a good place to find support from people who have experienced the same emotions, I put the link in so you could click on it and have a look at other posts or start your own discussion. You could also suggest your Gran reaches out to Macmillan?

I know that sometimes I as a patient have to talk through my stresses, and there are some people that are really good listeners and others others who aren’t, some who can cope with the outpourings and others I want to avoid putting them through it, either for their welbeing or mine!

You mentioned that you don’t know what to do, and I’m not sure what you thoughts were. As you live and support your Gran it will be difficult not to listen to her stresses, although she may see, or you may tell her that your having difficulties to. You may want to help both family members but need some help to do that, perhaps a way to listen but not take on their issues, a way to relax or cope after you’ve had a hard time. You could always give the Macmillan Support Line a ring on 0808 808 0000 they are open 8am to 8pm.

I am not sure what I’ve said helps but I’m hoping you feel a little better that you’ve said what’s troubling you and that someone has listened, even if I can’t help, and perhaps that’s what you have done for your Gran and Sister and that they are grateful just for that.

Take care KT