My journey has just begun.

Hi guys, 

I just wanted to share my story and the beginning of my journey, we all share various new challenges and some body changes I have faced so far have been strange but makes me feel unique and different but no doubt I very lucky compared to some of us with various types of Cancer.

Several weeks ago, I had a slight shortness of breath when walking to the car, drying myself after a shower or doing a small everyday activity, this got steadily worse so I decided to see my GP who sent me to A&E on the 14th June, I expected to be told I had a slight issue with my heart, association with shortness of breath but after blood tests etc and about 4 hours, I was told that I had cancer and that my world was going to change a lot in the coming months, I was devastated, on my own and didn’t know what to say, I just cried and then got my composure and left the hospital, only for the hospital to call me waiting for my lift to ask me to come back in for a Covid test because of my following day hospital visit, this test was carried out in the A & E car park, I had to laugh at the surreal situation I found myself in.

I broke down in tears, thinking how, why and are they sure….then it hit me, how do I tell my daughters, fiancé, family, friends, how will work be, when will I die and what do I do next….all emotions and questions that I didn’t know the answers to or how to deal with these challenges.

I told my fiancé first, this was heartbreaking because only the previous week, her mum had passed away, even though she was in the final stages of terminal Cancer, it was something else that she died from but I dreaded telling my partner , wonderful, loving and caring best friend this news.

I then went to see my daughters who I have always adored, loved and cherished so very much, this was the most difficult chat I ever had to have with them, I started crying before being able to tell them both, thankfully they are both wonderful teenagers and by the end of the chat, we were all laughing and understood there were challenges ahead that none of us knew what they would be or how to get over.

The first night at home all alone, I don’t think I slept, all the self pity, frustrations, unanswered questions, small and large worries, I asked what was the point of anything, real negative thoughts coming into my mind but then everything came back to my daughters, life plans, events and loved ones, I decided not to feel self pity, sorry for myself and that I am going to fight as much as I can to win the battle and get back to some normality. One thing at a time, ensuring my Will and paperwork are all in place, providing information to family, work who have been amazingly supportive and I have given me time off for 3 months which is so boring but I genuinely haven’t got much energy due to my v low blood cells but this will change as treatment is given, that’s what I hope for anyway so sorry work, I can’t work at the moment.

Anyway, after being told on the Monday, I was in hospital for tests on the Tuesday, biopsy on the Wednesday and Friday, at every stage the staff at Derriford Hospital have been amazing and although I am writing this a few weeks after being diagnosed, I have had transfusions, lots of bloods taken, good support and I sincerely hope next week, will be when my treatment path is taken forward. I may be able to have a “wonder trial drug” which has been developed for my rare blood cancer but until a final biopsy result has been completed, the research team and I cannot decide a course of treatment unless I choose the traditional treatment for Cancer but I want to see if I can take part in the trial drug and to have all options before many a decision or having treatment decided for me.

Going forward is unknown,  my body has started to change, I am severely anemic but I don’t have any badge to confirm this;) night sweats are awful, lack of energy just making me lethargic, I make myself, go for a short walk, carry out every day tasks but they just have to take a little longer. I worry those friends and loved ones will get bored but deep down, they want me to get better. My teenage daughters have being doing chores, (some positives for having Cancer)  they change their beds, we talk more (away from devices), empty the dishwasher, cook together, they cut the grass and do lots of jobs without me asking, I know I am lucky and I feel so much love from them. My friends have taken on various tasks, are in contact to ask how I am or to take the mickey out of me, all of which I wouldn’t change. 

I hope if your reading this, your day is going well and thank you for your time.

Fuzzy Bear