How to help my mum

Hi I’m in a similar situation my dad has bladder cancer and am trying to stay strong for my parents.we talk every day and it seems to help but we did go through a patch at the beginning when my dad just went into himself and didn’t talk or say what he was thinking.I feel so helpless.just being there seems to help and let them talk when they want.

• Thank you.  I’m sorry about your dad.  I think you’re right all we can do is be there.  I just worry my mum has already given up, before we even know what stage the cancers at and what options there are, she barely leaves the house anymore she’s so fed up and even when I visit her it doesnt seem to perk her up. So I end up feeling so sad when I leave because there is nothing I can do to help. 

I am also in a similar situation.  My Dad has recently been diagnosed with prostate cancer.  Sadly this has now spread to his bones. He is early 70s very active and my Mum is his full time carer. He is amazing and positive but so hard xx

I'm so sorry to hear about your mum. Like you I dont know what to do to help my mum stay positive during her chemo treatment.  At 88 she has recently had a full hysterectomy. The chemo, which is being given as a precautionary treatment, has taken away any energy she did have, she has no desire to eat, she now has shaking hands & her legs are weak, her sleep is disrupted & she is fading before my eyes. She lives alone & after shielding for the last 18 months, feels very isolated.  If I don't go see her most days, she sees no one.  Not even a phone call from her Dr's to check how she's coping.  I feel the pressure of daily trying to lift her spirits however I do know that just being there in person helps.  Because of the age generation, mum finds it really hard to talk about herself but slowly we are getting there so keep persevering and she will hopefully be more responsive, once she has come to terms with it herself. I wish you all the very best of luck.

Sending love to you and your family.  Thank you for your reply xx

I’m so sorry to hear about your mum.  I’ve not found out that it’s ovarian cancer my mum has but at this stage she can’t have surgery because the cancer is too advanced although we have been told if the chemo works well she could then get surgery.  It all sounds positive but the reality is it’s not going to be an easy journey.  Sounds like your mum is a tough lady going through all of this at 88!   Covid restrictions have certainly added an extra layer of worry/stress to an already horrible time.   Thank you for your reply it’s really appreciated.  Wishing you and your mum all the best xx