When a family member is in denial

Hi Worriedsibling welcome to the forum and sorry to hear how worried that you are and I can appreciate why and also that having further information would make you feel better. 

Its difficult isnt it being the nurse and being on this side of the fence and not easy as we do tend  to need to know things so that we can make sense of it and understand it. However, it does seem that this is not going to be possible unless your brother in law allows that to happen as he will be her next of kin. Is there any way that you could speak with her whilst she is in hospital, could the staff take the phone to your sister for example so she can then give them  verbal permission to speak with you about what is going on? 

Its  a difficult one and he probably needs to hold onto that hope until he knows otherwise if that makes sense. Hope you manage to get some kind of resolution that lets you help your sister and her husband. Best Wishes for now.x

Thanks so much Gail  / Granny59. Sorry for delayed reply - I forgot what password I set up (shows what a spin I am in!) and had to reset. I have tried to get a message to my sister to ask her to give consent to the Drs to speak to me but she doesn't seem to be up to (or possibly not able to) using her mobile and although message appears to be "read" I think my bro in law has to read them to her. He says there are times when she is both talking and quite alert but the most she has felt up to is a very quick call to their son and daughter with his help. Her friends and I have had no contact from her at all which suggests she must be very unwell.  All the info, both in and out, is still going through bro in law.  It's a week since first, very blunt, report was that it was bad news as cells in spinal fluid look like Leptomeningeal Carcinomatosis. She has since been seen by all sorts of specialties to rule out wild cards including infections diseases but nothing at all from the oncologists. Bro in law has taken this as a "good sign" that the initial impression must be wrong but I'm assuming they must be waiting for cytology. So far Sis is having medication to control main symptoms (pain relief for headaches, anti seizure meds and anti emetics). I understand there's not much hope of treatment anyway but at least need to know if any chance of chemo. If not, we (even bro in law in his more realistic moments) would want to organise palliative care. I have a horrible feeling she is losing capacity combined with bro in law not wanting to ask the difficult questions. All I could do was ring the nurse in charge and explain that he seems completely overwhelmed and to please be as direct with him as possible as the family - their son and daughter in particular - are not getting the full picture.