Hi Peeps,
I've never used anything like this before so here goes. Last year the wife was diagnosed as having stage 4 bowel cancer at aged 46....Needless to say it came as quite a shock. The first lot of chemo didn't work and the cancers all grew....the second lot seemed to have had a better result but not by much.
Nobody has discussed end of life decisions but my wife who is a nurse wants to organise a DNR. I read a lot of forum posts and some people appear to get given an estimate on life expectancy. My wife thinks she won't see her next birthday but I'm still pretty convinced she's going to outlive me.
I guess the question is....am I being nieve here? I just find it very hard to accept that when the time comes I shouldn't do anything to bring her back to me....and just let her go....maybe I'm being selfish...but I find the lack of not knowing how long we could have left together quite hard to consume as we both seem to have vastly differing views....
We have spoken about asking the oncologist for some update on how much time we may have left together....but she doesn't want to ask or know.....and I can totally understand that.
Anyhoo....sorry for the rant.....just feeling a tad lost with it all.
Hi Wiggwiz.
I am so sorry to hear about your wife. As a cancer patient myself, I can understand your wife wanting to organise a DNR, it's about taking control of a situation that you really do not have much control over.
I do not think you are being naïve at all. I think what you are feeling is hope and faith, and both of those feelings are very strong positive thoughts, and there is nothing wrong in that at all. Of course you do not want your wife to leave, and wanting to keep her with you is not selfish at all.
Many people do not want to know how much time they have left. It makes you concentrate on that "date" rather than enjoy the here and now.
Talking to others who are in a similar situation to yourself does help you through this difficult time. There are 3 different support forums on the community you can join.
supporting someone with incurable cancer group
You will find several people there who are going through a similar situation to yourself. You can also call the Macmillan support helpline for support 7 days a week from 8am til 8pm on 0808 808 00 00
Sending you lots of strength through this difficult time.
