Angry

Hi Cakeman1, I’m sorry to hear that you feel angry and depressed, but not surprised. I was diagnosed with metastatic melanoma no primary, straight to incurable cancer, and I think that we go through a grieving process for ourselves, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance, are what some books refer to. I think I got stuck in denial for a bit, or at least a kind of emotional numbness, I didn’t really experience anger as I wasn’t sure who I could be angry with and definitely wouldn’t like how that would feel. I was feeling a bit depressed before my diagnosis as my mother had passed away so my GP arranged for some counselling. I felt it was important to not bottle up my feelings and to talk them out, or write them down, so I hope this post has helped you.

I don’t know much about your cancer type wether palliative care means no treatment or some treatment that aims to keep you alive longer but is not seen as a cure. I was referred to the palliative care team back in 2015 when I was awaiting consultations and a treatment plan, and that was a bleak time where days seemed so long. 

I wondered if the links below might help to connect you to groups that might be relevant for you, you can click on the link and have a look

https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_types/gullet-oesophagus-cancer-forum

https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_experiences/living-with-incurable-cancer-forum

I was thinking that the people in those groups would have experiences that you could relate to, and it certainly helps me talking to people who I feel will understand, as some friends who haven’t had to face this don’t always have the right words.