Husband with testicular cancer

Hi @ Kemma

Sorry no one has replied yet. You are facing a very hard time and having been through it once, it seems so cruel to happen again and especially in these times of lockdown. I am fairly sure that I have seen somewhere that MacMillan have a leaflet on talking to children about what is going on. And a quick search shows this :

https://www.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-information-and-support/diagnosis/talking-about-cancer/talking-to-children-and-teenagers

Hope that helps. Also I would think joining the Family and Friends Forum might be good for you for seeking support.

xx

Hi ,

My son was 7 when I was first diagnosed.  I was scheduled for surgery so at that time it was quite simple to tell him that I was having a bad bit taken out and he accepted that.

When I was told it had spread he was 9 and it was a bit more difficult.  At that time I had been told that it was terminal which was later corrected to incurable but treatable so it was difficult to know what to tell him.  I read the leaflet from Macmillan and also talked to the Macmillan nurse but the gist of our decision was to tell him the truth but only so far as he could take it.  As for timing I waited until I knew what the treatment was going to be.

When I was explaining to him that I had cancer and about the treatment he blurted out "I don't want to know if you are dying".  We simply told him that I was having treatment and that the treatment might make me a bit poorly but we would let him know what was happening he should ask his mum or me.

We also got in touch with the pastoral care team at his primary school who were excellent.  He initially had a weekly meeting with the pastoral worker who asked how he was and gave him a chance to talk.  Later on she had quite a few children, not all with the same issues, and they had a meeting once a week.  My son really valued these meetings although we have not got a clue what went on in them as he was very serious regarding the group confidentiality.  As he got older we were asked if we wanted him referring to the young carers as although he did not have any responsibilities about the house we realised that he was trying to protect and care for me by asking questions of his mum or pastoral care worker rather than me for fear of upsetting me.  We did so and he gained a lot of support from them although he is now reducing his contact.  As he progressed into secondary school the pastoral support went with him including a time out card that he could just show to the teachers if he was upset and he could walk out of the class and go for some time on his own at the pastoral care room or for some support.

My son is now a month away from being 16 and we are extremely proud of how he has coped with this situation.

I hope that this has been useful,

Gragon xx

Thank you so much for the message. I will definitely have a look at the family and friends forum x

Hi Gragon

• Thank you so much for taking the time to talk about your story. 
  First of all I’m so sorry to hear that you and your family had to go through the time times. I’m hoping your recovered now? 
  I find the information so helpful what you have sent. I’ve read up so much on how to tell children and most say be honest but I’m so worried as things play ok my daughters mind so much. She’s already saying your not telling me why daddy went to hospital and later heard me on the phone to my mum and she picked up the word lump. 
  I think me and my husband have come to the decision to tell her a little when we no a date of the chemo and the operations. 
  I didn’t even think of telling the school I guess as they aren’t in with Covid going on but I think that’s a good shout of informing her teacher. 
  sounds like your son was a very brave boy and talking about it to people other than yourself helped. 
  Thank you so much again x