Supporting husband after his brother been diagnosed with terminal cancer

FormerMember over 5 years ago

1 reply
11 subscribers
2390 views

Hi guys,

We have found out recently that my husbands brother has been told he has lung cancer in both lungs and it’s terminal. He’s on 37 and is expecting his first baby in August.

he has know since last November but has only just told us and just this evening him and my husband have set off to France to tell their parents the news.

my husband initially broke down when he heard the news but since then has been very matter of fact about it and doing lots of practical things for his brother like tonight driving him to France to see their parents.

my question is how do I support my husband going forward and during and after this awful situation. Also we have 3 children aged 12,11 and 9 who adore their uncle and we haven’t told them anything yet so again how do I go about telling them?

I feel eel I need to now be there and be strong for my husband and children and keep it together as bests I can for them all. Since we found out I’m just making sure my husband is eating and resting and am just letting him have space and quiet time when he wants and needs it.

My husband had a bad accident 2 years ago and has

develioed diabetes and high cholesterol since them and I’m just concerned about making sure he takes care of himself

so he can support his brother also.

so sorry for the long text. My head is in a spin and I just want

to remain strong for the whole family.

any advice would be really appreciated.

FormerMember over 5 years ago

Hi and welcome to the online community and thank you for reaching out to us we all know how difficult it is to receive the news you just received about your brother in law and I hope that by joining us, and we all know you'd rather not be here, we can help, support, guide you through the weeks to come by giving you advice.

Can I address telling your children first.

Telling children is not easy, picking the right moment is crucial and you need to be prepared, you know your children and they are likely to start asking questions and you should be honest in your replies if you don't know the answer tell them so but you'll find out and come back to them, you can then ask the question in the forum and we'll have an answer for you.

But how do you prepare yourself fortunately McMillans have the tools to help you in the form of easy read material that you can download and I have selected the following as a starting point

Talking to children

Understanding lung cancer

You are also concerned about caring for your husband and can only say you can do this by being there for him, talking to him if he wants, giving him space when he needs it, in other words carry on as normal. Being a diabetic you both will know that it is important to take any medication at the right time and to eat sensibly and keep checking the blood sugars again carry on as normal

When it comes to supporting you brother in law we have a leaflet that might help you

Supporting

It shows the help that is available at this time apart from the online community who you can turn to at anytime and ask questions about anything or come on and have a chat or to rant and rave and let off steam were here for you and your family to help and support you but never to judge

We also have an excellent telephone support team who man the telephones 7 days a week from 8 am to 8 pm and are there to listen to you, and really I do mean listen to you, and give you advice on anything that you are worrying about, if they don't have the answer they will pass you on to one of the appropriate advisors who can answer questions on anything to do with the financial aspect of having cancel, work and support, energy and a lot more its all available to you by simply dialling this free phone number

0808 808 0000

8 am to 8 pm every day of the week, every day of the year.

We also have specific groups dealing with all cancer experiences that I would invite you to join such as

Supporting someone with incurable cancer forum group where you can meet and talk to others in the same position as yourself

Another group that you might want to consider joining is our

Carers only forum Group

You might think that you don't fall into this category but being a carer covers many aspects and in your case it means caring for your husband whilst he supports his brother, in this group you can come along at anytime and speak to others and as the group is restricted to carers only you will know that you'll be amongst people in the same position who will gladly answer your questions and share their experiences with you.

In this journey you have just started there is one person who you have probably not considered and that person is YOU.

You must take care of yourself if you are to be strong for everyone else don't be afraid to say to all I NEED SOME ME TIME and go off for some retail therapy or a coffee or a drink with the girls, you'll come back a stronger person for doing it.

Apologies for the long drawn out response but I wanted to cover as much as I could to help you on this new journey, but I do want you to know that all times we are here for you to give help, support and advice at anytime you need it and really all you need to do is ask one of us (probably more) will have the answer you are looking for and it doesn't matter how small the question it is better to ask than not.

You have not just joined an online forum you have become a member of the Mac family.

Please do come back at any time either in this group or any of the groups I've suggested and we will be here when you need us.

My name is

Ian. They call me Bodach

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