Devastation

My heart goes out to you.

I am so sorry you are on this path.

I lost my wife in January, 9 1/2 weeks after her diagnosis.  30 days  after my Dad died on Christmas day. It is early days for you, you have to try and look after yourself, we all know this is hard. The basics eat,drink if you are crying a lot you will be dehydrated and sleep, trust me all these seem hard. I lived on crisp sandwiches and crumpets for weeks, when I could be bothered. Yet 32 weeks in I am still here, thanks to people's support on here. So rant or ramble as much as you like. 

Remember this is your grief, do what is best for you. Please don't be bullied into how you should feel. We are all different. 

Please look after yourself and take care. 

Hello Brokenhearted

We hear you and what you have written I can identify with as I am sure everyone else here can too. Yes the silence can be defeaning at times. I'm 2 years in and still at times cant contemplate my husband is gone. Things will be very raw for you just now and everything you feel is natural and normal. Please just take your time and take things a day at a time and just come here when you need to have a good rant or let off steam we all `get it` and can relate. Take Care of yourself. Sending best Wishes. 

Vicky. 

Thank you to those who posted comments - I know i am not alone with my grief - you are all here for the same reason  - I'm thinking that this never gets better or goes away  - and why would it - we have to learn to cope with the loss - for me this seems impossible for the moment. You know what really gets me is I am so angry and sad - why did my husband have to suffer this awful ending to his life - he wasn't perfect but he was a good man with the kindest heart who would have  willingly helped anyone. He had done  nothing to deserve this. This I will never understand 

It is truly terrible that our loved ones had to suffer in this way. I have had a “Sobbing Day”, today. I had a dental appointment this morning, and my husband would come with me as I have a dental phobia. I cried before I left, and then really embarrassed myself by crying in the hygienist’s chair.  This was because I was so exhausted, and had got really anxious. It just shows how run down we get, physically and emotionally. I got home, had a stiff rum, and then slept solidly for two hours. I am feeling more settled now. Hugs to all. Kate. Xxx

I am so sorry to read this. I lost my husband of 36 years in February and understand the pain you are going through. All we can do is take one day at a time - a cliché I know - and try to ride what to me feels like the swell of a rough sea. Waves of pain come and go, and there is nothing we can do about that. I’m finding that trying to fight them doesn’t work and in fact makes the experience even worse. I’m having bereavement counselling which I can strongly recommend if you are able to ‘let it all out’ with a stranger. Take great care of yourself - all of us have been severely injured, but in a way that is not visible to others. For that reason alone we need to treat ourselves very kindly.

Thank you for your message - I so sorry you are also going through this. It gives me hope to hear from everyone who is already head of me in this awful awful journey. I completely agree with your analogy with the swell of a rough sea - the waves hit with such force.

I am seriously thinking about counselling- where did you look for information?

I believe that Macmillan offer counselling. I live in Dorset and am seeing a counsellor at a local, independent organisation. Also your GP should be able to point you in the right direction. Keep the lines of communication open - at least we understand this ghastly experience as members of a club that no-one wants to join. Sometimes a bit of bleak humour can help for a minute or two!

The bleak humour has helped a lot over the past year. The experiences we have all had, have been so funny, and at time tragic. The support network here is invaluable. I have just come out of a three day, “Swell in a rough sea”. I am still floating on my back, above the surface, in the middle of the sea. At times I can see the shore, but just can’t reach it yet. Kate. Xxx

Everyone on here has helped me and the occasional humour makes me smile too. It has only been Just over four months for me and I come here for support and guidance and encouragement from others who are ahead of us in this new life that we are experiencing. I even told my counsellor the other day how much this has helped to. 
I woke up the other day and thought I have to keep going a positive step but that’s easier said than done. Then the following day I’m all over the place. I would like to achieve a sensible sleeping pattern and stop being wide awake in the early hours with my mind racing the other day with 10 issues that are troubling me.

Life changes so much..today I actually cooked a pie we’ll reheated a pie and potatoes carrots and peas and gravy which is a very decent meal for me but surprisingly difficult when I realise I haven’t such a meal and made gravy since my husband passed.  I ate it but felt bad and sad about it as he would have enjoyed it. 
Sitting here now with light on and two books I’m thinking about starting both of which are only Grief self help stuff That you wouldn’t really imagine yourself reading but it’s been recommended.! 

I went somewhere different today Sandbanks for a walk along the beach in the rain to get out nothing ever feels the same on your own. X