Question, sleeping?

The thing is, we had a couple of talks about me carrying on. 
I left my old job (that I had grown to hate) to be with him 24/7 for however long he would have and he stressed that he wanted me to find something I would really love. 
Which I have. 
We talked about me living my life after he left me. Staying in our home. He wanted me to carry out our plans for the garden. He said he wanted me to go on holiday with my sister at some point. Not to turn into “a mad old cat lady”. To see our friends, our cafe. 
He said I mustn’t sit about moping all day. Get out and go for walks. At this point he prodded me in the stomach and suggested I could even try the couch to 5k challenge! 

He videoed himself cooking so I would be able to have his delicious healthy soups and follow his recipes for our favourite curries. I can’t bear to watch them as he was so obviously near the end but we didn’t realise at the time, only looking back. His voice harsh, rasping and that bloody awful breathing. I can’t eat much anyway, can’t be bothered cooking. 

The thing is - we had no idea how damn crippling grief would be. 
So at the moment I can’t really fulfill his dearest wishes which makes it even worse knowing that.

We never had that talk about me continuing, without Sue. It seemed to happen so quickly 9 1/2 weeks from diagnosis. Sue never liked talking about death etc and I didn't want to upset her. Plus we thought with the chemotherapy we would have a bit longer. Hope is a b***h.

I used to joke that the house would be full of cats if anything happened to me. Sue loved cats. 

My beautiful Valen was amongst many things, practical. 
So when he started to plan his own funeral - choosing coffin, flowers, hymns, my necklace - he also started to change all the utilities, car and insurance into my name. 
We made the bank accounts joint. 
He even started to clear out his clothes!

We talked, as I say, about my work, the garden, looking after my mum (he dropped by to see her 5 days a week). Exercise, cooking. 
So many things. 

We held hands as we had these talks which I initially tried to shut down. But he really wanted to sort things out for me so I went along with him. 

We thought we would have 3 to 6 months. 
We were getting the paperwork etc stuff done so we could then concentrate on us. 
But we got just under 4 weeks.