where is she?

My younger sister died of Stage 4 breast cancer 5 months ago just at the beginning of lockdown.  She was 12 years younger than me and I looked after her a lot when she was a baby and young child.  The grief has been overwhelming and still overomes me for days at a time.  I find it so hard not knowing where she is.  I don't have any particular religious belief in the afterlife or heaven and although I have a photos of her to look at, they are old photos and it don't look like she did at the end.  How do other people manage this?

  • With great difficulty.  It hurts.  This is something most of us have to go through.  Nature is cruel beyond belief.

    I'm not religious either.  It makes me sick to think an invisible bully would let some awful people enjoy a good longevity while sending innocent people into oblivion.  Even if the big bully did exist, I wouldn't forgive him let alone worship him.  The religious concept is so perverse. The fact is if he existed, he would do whatever cruel deeds he felt like it anyway.  The religious people are deluding themselves that praying would make any difference.  However, if they find comfort in that, I don't have the heart to tell them the unpalatable truth.

    I cope by remembering the lovely memories.  To know that they are now at a better place, wherever that is.  Nature's way to get recycled.  They are at a better place, how do I know?  Well, I know because it is us who are suffering not them, they are not the ones who have to go through this horrible lock down situation.

    I also enjoy watching supernatural DVDs, as the living goes on ... it's cool.

    Hope it helps ?

  • thanks for responding, I like "nature's way to get recycled"  and maybe I can imagine that she's all around me, in every living thing x

  • Hi, 

    my mum passed in 2016.  We are both spiritualists, mum knew she was just going back home and just gave into it in the end. 
    basically our beliefs are that we live forever as souls, and CHOOSE to come here for a human physical experience. No matter how long or short.. nothing is an accident etc, we all choose when to go back home when we feel we’ve learnt enough. Some of us are even mad enough to come back here again  Smile
    so.. your sister is still very much alive in spirit.. I know my mum is I’ve had many signs from her. 
    I hope this helps ..

    love and light xxx


  • Hi Jago 33, 

    I don't believe in God, if he did exist he certainly couldn't be considered good or great with what goes on on this lump of rock we live on. Nature is the true wonder of this planet and people are ruining it

    I believe people live on in our hearts our memories and in relatives and children. That's why its important to take time to remember people and talk to each other about the people we loved who are now gone. 

  • Hi there. My mum passed a month ago and I am finding it really difficult accepting what has happened that she has actually gone. She promised that if she could she would give me a sign that she was still around …. I’ve not really had any signs. My dad died 5 years ago snd I’ve had a few signs that have been really convincing . I now feel that it was probably a lot of rubbish because mum promised she would snd we were so close and I feel devastated to think there might be nothing and that I’ll never see her again . Is there anything that might help me? Can I ask what gave you the faith in spiritualism? 
    thank you , 

  • Hi.  I hope you have found the other replies to my post helpful.  They did help me.  Even if we know someone is going to die, it is still a shock when they go and suddenly they are no longer in their accustomed place in our lives and no matter how hard we try we will no longer find our selves in their physical presence.  There is just a huge emptiness. I felt totally helpless.  I have a ritual every day when I spend a few minutes thinking about my sister and how much I miss her and I tell her that I always will miss her and love her.  It seems to help.  

  • Fi21, I am agnostic so I too prefer to believe my mum lives “in” me and my daughters. I lost her in 2012,  it doesn’t get any easier, I miss my best friend dearly and like you I was waiting for signs as we were so close to each other. They never came. So I attribute any positive in my life to her and thank her for it… Every year on her birthday ( yesterday the 21st) I light up a candle and “talk to her” . I don’t believe in after life but think that so long as we think of our loved ones, , they live within us. Take care xx