Supporting my brother (remotely) and am concerned about the pain levels he is experiencing. He puts on a brave face when I visit or talk to him on phone (that’s just the way he is) but his wife is really struggling to cope watching him in agony. He currently attends hospital weekly for treatment but again doesn’t say how bad it is most of the time.
Is there anything I can do? Personally, I’m fine and just wondering if there is anything more I can do.
Hi Wee Brother
Thanks for getting in touch during what sounds like a worrying time. I’m Linda, one of the nurses from the support line.
It’s understandable to feel concerned for your brother, especially when you mention his wife is struggling to watch him in agony. This sounds like he has significant uncontrolled pain.
Some people do still believe that when they have cancer that they should expect pain and put up with it. But that should be far from the case today, and doctors have quite a heavy toolkit of medication and other treatments that can help.
It’s likely that your brother’s wife has spoken to him about the impact that seeing him in pain is having on her, if not this could be something to encourage her to do. Knowing the impact on others can sometimes make people more likely to act on their symptoms.
It could be worth speaking to your brother directly about his pain, gently ask him about this and why he feels he has to put on a brave face. He may be willing to talk about it, but he might also close the conversation down.
When we see someone we care for is going through a hard time and we know that there are things that might help it can be frustrating, as we want the best for them. Whilst we can advise and give guidance the onus needs to come from them, to act on that advice, be it speaking with their GP or clinical team about their symptoms.
It may be that, if you brother doesn't want to speak about his pain, the best thing that you can do is to be there for him, like you are doing already. It’s likely that you might not realise how important this is to your brother, and your sister-in-law.
And though you say you are fine, it can be hard at times as you support him. We are here for you too.
If you, your brother or sister-in-law would like to chat we are just a call away.
Take care for now
Linda
(Cancer Information Nurse Specialist)
The Macmillan Support Line offers practical, clinical, financial and emotional support. You can call us free from landlines and from most mobile phone networks on, 7 days a week, 8am – 8pm or contact us by email or webchat.
Ref: LM/JH
