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Hormone receptor negative breast cancer

Mumcarer
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I’m just looking for advice as my mum has been diagnosed with breast cancer. 
iv been caring for my mum at home for years we’ve stayed together for about 20 years, myself and my husband. 
but after being diagnosed with lymphoma 4 years ago having 2 chemotherapy treatments, she took a slight stroke that affected her speech. She has now quite bad vascular dementia but a happy dementia laughs, smiles can have off days, suffers sundowns most days but nothing we can’t handle. She also fell broke her hip that took a long time to recover from, but I gave up work 3 years ago to care for her full time. She’s not mobile anymore. 
She isn’t able for chemotherapy it made her too ill. 
Her breast cancer is hormone receptor negative so no drugs cant be given either. 
The lump is quite prominent as she has lost loads of weight after her hip operation. 
Mum is 90, and at moment comfortable, happy and quite carefree. 
I know no one can tell me what to decide for best, but wondered if anyone else has been in same situation and how they decided what to do for best. 
it’s the aftercare I’m worried about. She feels pain more severely now, hates getting nails done says it hurts , the operation it’s self is worrying me as well. It’s how is she going to understand why it was done? 

thanks 

  • Hi Mumcarer,

    Thanks for getting in touch and a warm welcome to the Online Community. I’m Heidi one of the Cancer Information Nurses here on the Macmillan Support Line.

    You sound like a wonderful carer to your mum and it is understandable that you would be anxious about mum having an operation.

    Treatment decisions can be difficult and depend on many factors. As you mentioned supporting mum to understand why she needs or has had surgery may be challenging, even if her health professionals feel it would be in her best interest.

    You know mum better than anyone and you should be given time to talk through your thoughts, feelings and concerns with her breast care team. You can also explore with them how they have cared for other patients with dementia and what support will be in place. Please feel comfortable mentioning your concerns about her pain levels, this will help her team to plan pain relief carefully after surgery.

    If you feel going through surgery would be too distressing for mum it is important that her hospital team explain what is likely to happen as the cancer advances. This may also help with your decision making. There are key community teams to help care for anyone that has an advanced or incurable cancer and whose care may be more complex. The Alzheimer’s Society has guidance on making decisions if you feel mum would struggle to make decisions for herself.

    If you have support from a community dementia nurse, or can access support and advice, it might help to talk things through with them. Dementia UK has a guide for carers which includes what support might be available. They also have a Dementia Support Forum where you may be able to connect with others that understand.

    You might find our information about treating cancer in someone with dementia helpful. You can also download our booklet A guide for people with cancer and dementia.

    We have a very welcoming and supportive breast cancer forum and friends and family forum, you could explore if anyone else has been in a similar situation to your own. You can also check our webpage to find details of support and information organisations in your area.

    You sound like an amazing support and I can appreciate this is difficult time for you, do remember to look after you too.

    Please don’t hesitate to get in touch again if we can support you further, take care for now.   

     

    Best wishes

     

    Heidi

    Cancer Information Nurse Specialist 

     

    You can also speak with the Macmillan Support Line team of experts. Phone free on 0808 808 0000 (7 days a week, 8am-8pm) or email us. 

    Ref/ AR/HC

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