Mum x

Hi Chabasa

Thanks for getting in touch and welcome to the online community. I hope you are finding it supportive. My name is Ursula, and I’m one of the cancer information nurses, here on the Macmillan Support Line. 

I am sorry to read that your mum’s cancer has grown and that she is coming to the end of her life. This must be a very difficult time for you all.

It’s understandable that you along with other close family members should want to celebrate you mum’s upcoming birthday with her. As you mentioned it is difficult to understand how feasible this may be. As we are not part of the NHS or involved with your mum’s care it is not possible for us to advise on this directly. For these reasons we would suggest you speak with your mum’s GP or specialist team, as they would be best placed to give personalised information.

You have said that your mum is on end-of-life care. I wonder if she is under the care of the community palliative care team, as they too may be able to support you with this. If not it might be worth asking her GP if a referral to their service would be appropriate for additional support for your mum, and you as her family.

Each person’s experience towards the end of their life will be different and it can be difficult to know exactly what will happen, or how quickly things may change. It is common for people to become weaker, with little energy.

Other common signs can be:

• finding it difficult to move and needing more help to move.
• spending most, or all, of the day in bed
• sleep a lot and feeling sleepy when awake.
• losing interest in eating and drinking
• feeling disorientated or confused
• dream about people who are not there or people from the past.
• losing interest in surroundings, even close family members and friends.

These are all natural things that can happen. We also have a booklet which has an informative section for people caring for someone nearing the end of life.

We can appreciate that this is a very difficult time and supporting a loved one with cancer can cause different worries and emotions. It is important to please remember to look after yourself too. We also have a welcoming friends and family forum on our online community. Sometimes people find talking to others going through similar experiences can be supportive.

I do hope you find this information helpful, but please do not hesitate to get back in touch with us if you need any further support. 

Best wishes, 

Ursula, Cancer Information Nurse Specialist 

You can also speak with the Macmillan Support Line team of experts. Phone free on 0808 808 0000 (7 days a week, 8am-8pm) or send us an email.  

Ref: UH/GHi