My wife has completed her chemotherapy 3 weeks ago and for the last 6 months we've slept in separate beds, refrained from kissing and not had sexual relations. My wife is anxious about the risks of infections which she has been since the cancer treatments were started and we are both stressed with wanting to be close again
Hi Voodooman,
Welcome to our Online Community here at Macmillan Cancer Support. I hope you find it a warm and welcoming place to ask questions and seek support. I’m Kirstine, one of the Cancer Information Nurses Specialists here.
Cancer and its treatments can impact people’s sex life in ways they didn’t expect, and this can be hard to cope with in a relationship. For some people it may be because they don’t feel so well physically, and for others it can be related to psychological worries, or perhaps a combination of both. Sometimes the treatments or the condition can cause symptoms that might make sex feel more difficult and there are often ways to address these. We have some excellent information on our webpage Sex and Cancer and in our booklet Cancer and your sex life that detail suggestions to approach intimacy during and after cancer treatments that I hope will be helpful.
A key message is around not forcing intimacy if you don’t feel ready to, but that it is generally safe to have sex with a few precautions during treatment, and especially OK after treatment is complete. Perhaps you and your wife could explore what might help her to feel more comfortable and safe to resume relations when the timing is right for her. Gently reintroducing intimacy may be helpful – if you are both well then perhaps hugging or holding hands is a nice place to start. The treatment team at the hospital may be able to offer reassurance about it being safe to resume, or arrange specialist support if it was going to be useful to help overcome particular worries.
I hope the reading material will be helpful and wish you both the very best in this recovery period.
Warm wishes,
Kirstine – Macmillan
Cancer Information Nurse Specialist
You can also speak with the Macmillan Support Line team of experts. Phone free on 0808 808 0000 (7 days a week, 8am-8pm) or send us an email. Ref KDf/ KS
Apologies, my links haven’t transferred properly in the main reply – these should be better.
