My mother in law is currently in a&e, she has been diagnosed with bowel cancer which has spread to her kidneys. She’s lost lots of weight and is in a&e because of an infection. She’s given up and is refusing to eat. My wife doesn’t know what to do.
My mother in law is currently in a&e, she has been diagnosed with bowel cancer which has spread to her kidneys. She’s lost lots of weight and is in a&e because of an infection. She’s given up and is refusing to eat. My wife doesn’t know what to do.
Hi Brummylad,
Thanks for getting in touch, and welcome to our online community.
My name’s Karla, I’m one of the Cancer Information Nurse Specialists on the Macmillan Support Line.
Loss of appetite and weight is common when someone is living with an advanced cancer. Sometimes it can be caused by an underlying problem like nausea. However, you said your mother-in-law has given up and is refusing to eat.
When someone is diagnosed with cancer that can’t be cured, they can feel completely overwhelmed. This news can be devastating and is hard to come to terms with. It sounds like your mother-in-law’s struggling emotionally.
She needs to be assessed by a doctor involved in her care so they can work out what’s happening, why and how to cope with it. And importantly, can also guide your wife about how best to support her mum. We’d recommend contacting her GP and hospital consultant or nurse specialist (if she has one) to talk this through.
Many families find the help of a palliative care nurse invaluable at times like this. They can provide much needed emotional support; help coordinate your mother-in-law’s care and find ways to control any symptoms she has now or in the future. They can also put you all in touch with other help that’s available. Her GP or consultant can arrange this support if you ask.
Whilst your mother-in-law is an inpatient, we’d recommend letting the nurses and doctors caring for her know she’s refusing to eat. They may be able to arrange for her to see a dietitian and get some emotional support from a psychologist or the hospital palliative care team. Being able to talk with someone about how she feels and get some advice about her diet might help.
A building up diet is usually recommended as it’s high in protein and energy. Nutritional supplements are often given too.
I can appreciate how difficult this is for your wife, not knowing what to do. It’s important she’s guided by the healthcare professionals involved in her mum’s care. She doesn’t have to do this alone.
This advice on coping with appetite loss in a loved one could be useful for her to read through.
On our helpline we offer a variety of support where you, your wife or mother-in-law can talk through what’s going on and how you’re feeling. If you’d like to talk, we’re available 7 days a week from 8am – 8pm on 0808 808 0000. You can also get back in touch here. Don’t hesitate to let us know if you need anything.
I’ll be thinking of you all.
Best wishes, Karla
Cancer Information Nurse Specialist.
You can also speak with the Macmillan Support Line team of experts. Phone free on 0808 808 0000 (7 days a week, 8am-8pm) or send us an email.
Ref: KS/SMc
