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Care support for terminally ill dad

LisaRelative
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Hello, my elderly dad who is 84 has terminal stage 4 cancer and insists on wanting to live at his home. He has capacity, is becoming increasingly unwell and weak, losing his appetite, dizzy, now unable to get upstairs and has a sharp decline over the last few days. 

We have space for him to live with us and he does NOT want too. Today I noticed he had fallen (I don't live nearby but have installed a ring camera) so called his DR who did a home visit and advised he is borderline needing to go into hospital.

Tomorrow his DR has asked for an OT and community response team to go to assess. Couple of questions please:

1. I think my dad is close to palliative stage as is very weak, unable to walk, losing appetite and now I feel is unsafe to live in his home as he has steep stairs. DR advised he has capacity and she is uncertain he is at palliative stage. What support should we be getting?

2. I don't live local (3 hours round trip) so this sharp decline is a worry do I push for a care plan or where do we go from here if he won't move in with me?

3.  I asked DR about hospice and she said it's too early. I don't want to be at this stage but it seems the care he would get would be fast tracked if he is at palliative stage as he is in man's land?

Worried daughter.

Any advice much appreciated.

Thanks 

  • Hi   

    Thanks for getting in touch and welcome to the online community. My name is Fiona and I’m one of the Macmillan cancer information nurses.

    I see from your profile that you have joined a few of our groups. I hope you are finding them supportive.

    I’m sorry to read about your dad’s situation. I’m glad you felt able to reach out at this worrying time.

    It’s good to read that his GP has asked for an assessment to be done by the OT and community response team. They will look at what support can be provided at home for your dad.

    It may help to see the support that can be available to help someone at home. You can read about this here.

    You have asked about palliative care for your dad. Palliative care is available to people who have a life-limiting illness. The community palliative care team can help with managing symptoms, offering support and when appropriate they provide end of life care.

    If your dad does not want to move in with you, his wishes will be considered as much as possible. His GP and the adult social services should look at what support he needs to enable this to happen. If it is felt that he is unsafe then they would need to discuss alternatives with him, for example a care home.

    Hospices are small units who provide care to people who have an incurable illness. Each hospice will have its own admission criteria. Hospices will admit people to get symptoms under control and for end-of-life care. This often means they can admit people who are in the final weeks of life if home is not an option. If someone is needing more care but are not within the last weeks of life, then often alternative care is needed, like a care home.

    Supporting someone you love with cancer can cause a wide range of fears and emotions. Please do your best to look after your emotional and physical well-being. If there is anything we can do to support you please do get in touch.  Often talking to others going through a similar experience can be helpful to do. There is nothing quite like the support that you can get from others who know what it’s like.  We have a great online group who support one another that you can join.

    I hope this information helps. Please feel free to get back in touch if you want more information or support.

    Best wishes,

    Fiona P,

    Cancer Information Nurse Specialist 

    You can also speak with the Macmillan Support Line team of experts. Phone free on 0808 808 0000 (7 days a week, 8am-8pm) or send us an email. 

    Ref: FP/LM

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