Prostate cancer treatment change - advice needed

Hi Midlifemummy

Thank you for getting in touch and welcome to the online community. I’m Isobel one of the Cancer Information Nurse Specialist, on the Macmillan Support Line.

I am so glad you have been able to get in touch with us, I see that you have joined our online community I hope you are finding this helpful. This sounds like a very worrying time for you and your family.

I can appreciate how difficult it must be not knowing what is happening with your dad, and that his choice is to manage this in a way that he feels is best for himself and possibly yourself.

Fear of the unknown is very difficult, and it is very normal to think the worst when there are gaps in the knowledge that you have.

We cannot say why his treatment plan has changed as there could be a few reasons for this. There are benefits as well as risk with all treatments. His specialist at the hospital he attends, will be guided by information from any tests that he may have recently had, and his current general health, you mention that he has some heart problems. He will also be listening to the decisions your dad may have made about treatment and what he feels he is able to tolerate.

I wonder if you and your brother have been able to sit down with dad and let him know how this is affecting you. He may say he doesn’t want to worry you, but the truth is you are worried anyway and that you are thinking the worst. Being able to talk about a cancer diagnosis is tough for the whole family, but can bring great benefits.

He may feel that by telling you that he has aggressive prostate cancer this is enough, and it is very possible, at present his way of coping is to only give what information he is comfortable with himself. If this is a new diagnosis, he might not be ready to talk, and needs time to process the information that he has been given. He may find it easier talking to someone who is not emotionally involved to begin with, you could suggest that he calls the Macmillan support line, I have included information about the support line here, this page includes help with how you are feeling

As Dad is currently not communicating openly, it is potentially possible he might never want to talk, that is a choice that some people make, it could help your dad to see that you are taking care of yourself. Taking care of your own mental health is so important.

I see that you are off work, and this may be a good time to speak to your own GP about how you are feeling, and look at what other support could be beneficial.

A cancer diagnosis affects loved ones with many of the same emotions and it is normal to feel grief and sadness. Macmillan information/support centres and Maggie’s centres are for anyone affected by a cancer diagnosis, you may find this a helpful way to access support that you need at this time.

Please know that you can contact our helpline and speak to one of our cancer information nurses if you need to discuss this in more detail. Sometimes a 2-way conversation can be very beneficial when there is so much going on.

Best wishes,

Isobel Y, Cancer Information Nurse Specialist 

Ref IY/LJ