My mum won't discuss or allow prognosis to be discussed

Hi there PinkOctopus

Thanks for getting in touch and welcome to the Online Community. I’m Debbie, one of the Cancer Information Nurse Specialists on the Macmillan Support Line. I am so sorry to hear that your mum has been having such a challenging time and can understand that this makes things difficult and uncertain for you. I hope that this information is helpful.

I am not sure from your message whether the lung cancer or the adrenal gland cancer is the primary cancer. Primary cancer is the place where a cancer starts in the body. If cells break away and move to another part of the body, this is called secondary cancer. As the cancer has spread, this is an advanced cancer. The advanced cancer section of our website discusses what might happen and has information about the different places where someone with advanced cancer can be cared for and the support available.

I can understand that it is very difficult for you to know how things may develop if your mum doesn’t want to know about prognosis. You mention that your mum is about to start a palliative chemotherapy tablet. The aim of palliative treatment is to relieve symptoms and improve quality of life. Your mum’s doctors will be aiming to stabilise her physical condition and control the cancer to reduce symptoms. This will help her to have as good a quality of life for as long as possible. 

Here at the Macmillan Support Line we are able to give general information and support. We are independent from the NHS and don’t have access to medical records so we can’t give personalised information. The people who are best placed to let you know how things might progress with your mum are her GP, or her doctors or a clinical nurse specialist in the hospital treatment team. They can discuss your mum’s treatment and where it is best for her to be cared for, if your mum gives permission for them to talk to you. You can ask them to refer your mum to a palliative care team if she is not already under their care.

The palliative care team gives specialist information and supportive care to people facing serious illness. This includes symptom control and advance care planning as well as help with emotional and spiritual support. The team involves specialist nurses and doctors, pharmacists, social workers, and psychological support staff. They can see patients in hospital, in their own home, and in outpatient clinics.

Different people can give support and care to you and your mum, depending on your situation. The NHS website has information about care and support you can get for free when you are looking after someone with cancer at home. It is also important to look after yourself too when caring for someone with cancer.

You mentioned end of life care. Some organisations refer to end of life care as care for people thought to be in the final year or so of life. Other organisations refer to it as care in the last few weeks of life. The links in the previous sentence give information about sources of care and support during that time.

I hope this information is helpful but realise that it might not address all of your needs. If you have any further questions, please feel welcome to get back in touch with us. We often find it easier to discuss things by phone as we can get a clearer idea about your situation. You are very welcome to phone us to talk things through. Our phone number and other contact details are below.

I hope that you are able to get the support that you need from your mum’s GP and treatment team but please feel welcome to contact us again if you have other questions or would like to talk things through.

With best wishes

Debbie C

Cancer Information Nurse Specialist  

Ref/** DC/TT

You can speak with the Macmillan Support Line team of experts. Phone free on 0808 808 0000 (7 days a week, 8am-8pm) or email us.