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Pallative Colorectal Cancer

Pear
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Hi 

My mother in law has Colorectal cancer which has spread to the liver.  She is very much in denial and my partner is her care giver and finding it very difficult.  The family are not pulling together as my mother in law has not wanted to know the severity or life expectancy and my partners brothers are in total denial and feel my partner is not needed to be helping my mother in law and therefore making her worse by doing things for her.

I guess it is more difficult for my partner as she feels she cannot talk to anyone including her mum to understand how long she has left with her mum, how much more pallative chemo she can have etc. 

She had a break from Chemo after two rounds and the oncology report after the break said unfortunately her disease has progressed off treatment with particular increase in size of her liver lesions.  They have now started chemo again but she does not seem to be responding as well as last time, she is due as scan and oncology appointment on 16th December.

My mother in law is clinging to the hope of being on chemo for years and living for another 5-10 years at least.  Is this unrealistic in your opinion she is 71 years old.

I am not sure if I need to try and speak my partner and brothers to try and get them to understand she may not be as well as she says.

I had a little look to try figure out what the disease summary suggests and as far as I can tell from what I read it would be stage 4 and could only be worse if it as spread even further from the liver is that correct.

I have just returned from spending the weekend with my partner and mother in law and she seems a be me more yellow in the skin and maybe more aged/haggered in the face since when I was with her for a week in August.

Any general information you could be give would be amazing just so we can try to start to come to terms with what might be facing us and also then maybe try to have conversations about end of life care, funerals, will etc.  As apose to leaving them as elephants in the room until it is too late.

Thanks so much for your help.

  • Hi Pear

    Thanks for getting in touch with us and welcome to the online community. My name’s Simon and I’m one of the Cancer Information Nurses on the Macmillan Support Line.

    I’m sorry to hear that your mother-in-law is so unwell. Your partner must feel quite isolated if she is not able to ask questions about her mother’s condition.

    We don’t have access to NHS medical systems or records. However, from what you describe, your mother-in-law does have an advanced bowel cancer, sometimes referred to as Stage 4.

    Palliative treatment in the form of chemotherapy is used to help reduce symptoms. The scan and appointment with the Oncologist in December will help offer guidance as to how effective this chemotherapy continues to be, and if it is appropriate or not to continue with the treatment. If your mother-in-law is more yellow in the skin it could be a sign of jaundice and an indication that her disease is progressing. The information you have shared does indicate that your mother-in-law’s hope for an extended life expectancy is unrealistic I’m afraid.

    If your partner can attend the appointment with her mother in December, it may be an opportunity to hear exactly what the treatment team feel is realistically possible in terms of further palliative treatment and prognosis. It may be an appropriate moment also to broach the need for the palliative care team to become involved in supporting your mother-in-law at home also. The GP can also make a referral to the community palliative care team in the meantime if it is wanted.

    Having the palliative care team involved does often provide a focus for families to acknowledge the extent of someone’s illness and helps to allow the honest conversations that you seek.

    I hope this information is of some help.

    Best wishes

    Simon Morgan-Jones:  Cancer Information Nurse Specialist

    You can also speak with the Macmillan Support Line team of experts. Phone free on 0808 808 0000 (7 days a week, 8am-8pm) or send us an email.

    Ref/SMJ/ LZD

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