Hi, My mum was diagnosed with secondary bone cancer 3 weeks ago. This was a total shock as 2 weeks earlier we had been told that she didn't have cancer. Mum had been getting more unwell since July, becoming frailer, had had some falls and was diagnosed in early August with anemia due to a stomach ulcer. Despite 3 blood transfusions and 3 999 calls and subsequent hospital admissions, she was getting worse not better. On 1st September a doctor sat on her hospital bed and told her it was secondary bone cancer, which was in multiple places. Since then, we have been waiting on a prognosis, including where the primary cancer is. Last week the oncologist told us the primary cancer is lobular breast cancer, but the cancer is also in her stomach as well as her spine, pelvis and other bones. This has been so much for us to both to take in, in such a short space of time. In July mum was relatively fit and healthy for a 77 year old woman. Mum was told that the cancer isn't curable and she got so upset. We are now waiting for an appointment to see the breast cancer specialist for a prognosis and what treatment, if any is available. She is too weak and frail for surgery and chemo.
It is just me and mum. There are no siblings to help share the practical and emotional load. My husband and 2 teenage boys have been amazing and she has a partner but he is struggling to cope with it all and also not in good health. He doesn't realise how seriously ill mum is. My dad is also very frail and has become unwell recently, which I am also struggling to cope with. My mum and dad both live in another town to me, about 80 miles away.
I am trying to find out what support is available for mum, both practical and emotional but it is a whole new world to me. Mum doesn't want any external emotional support at the moment, but I am struggling. After she came out of hospital, she and her partner came to live with me whilst we got her house ready with a stairlift and hospital bed. We dropped her back home today and I felt awful leaving her but she insisted she wanted to go home. I also started a new job in September and struggling to cope with working full time and trying to sort things out for mum. I'm trying to sort some home care for her, tried 3 private agencies, one said they couldn't help and no response for the other 2. I have reached out to adult social care on Friday and the lady on the end of the phone was amazing and listened to me for about 40 minutes and has opened a case file for my mum, so I am hopeful about that. I want to look into CHC funding but don't know which clinician would do that for me. Mum does need help with her personal care and hygiene, which I have been doing for her, but now she is home….
My biggest thing is this- she keeps telling me that she doesn't want to die and I just find this so difficult. I am being positive with her and we have had some good days in the past 2 weeks as a family, doing things together and getting out with her in a wheelchair, but when she looks me in the eyes and looks so frightened when she says she doesn't want to die, I don't know what to do or how to react to her. I tell her we can't see into the future, and nobody knows what the future holds and we need to take each day at a time, but the future scares me a lot at the moment.
Thanks for reading all of this and any advice or help on any of the above would be much appreciated. I'm so glad I joined this community as, having read some of the other posts, I know I'm not alone.
