When family members want to keep their diagnosis secret

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My husband went through his diagnosis chemo and surgery. He did not want people to know which is fine. As the primary carer and my family is overseas and I found it the whole experience bordering traumatizing. Even afterwards that experience has left me feeling isolated.

I have asked in forums about ways of coping with the secrets, but there was no real school of thought dedicated online forums. I couldn't even find any papers or therapy sites with 

Why is there no forum? There must be LOTS of people dealing with the burden of keeping the secret. Surely there are others that questions about when it is OK to tell some one, dealing with feelings of guilt, and many more.

The nature of a secret is it prevents people going through the same thing from finding each other. A forum where people sharing this very unique situation would be so helpful.

Are there any out there and why does Macmillan not have one?

  • Hi  

    It sounds like it's been a very difficult time for you since your Husband's diagnosis, and moreso due to having to keep it a secret due to his wishes.

    Have you discussed with your GP about accessing any counselling in your local area or have you reached out to any local cancer support services throughout the situation? You are able to access these services confidentially if you may need to.

    Although we wouldn't be able to give you any specific guidance or advice on the impact of your experience as we're not trained counsellors, it sounds like you may benefit from further emotional support to help you to work through what has happened. You can also find out further information here on how you may feel when someone has cancer. 

    If you'd be happy to let us know what area you are in we can check to see what support may be available to you locally in terms of cancer support services that offer emotional support to loved ones too. You can use our 'in your area' tool here to search if you do not wish to say what area.

    You can also find local counselling services here if you are able to consider private support, through the BACP (The British Association for Counselling & Psychotherapy). 

    When it comes to our Online Community and our Forums, they can be as anonymous as you like and we have our Family & Friends forum here where you may find others who have experienced similar situations, to talk things through with and share your experiences as well as the impact of them. 

    The same goes for our support line,  . We're here to talk every day between 8am and 8pm and although we're not trained counsellors we are here to listen when you may need it. You can reach us on 0808 808 0000 and choose option 1 and then 1 again, and it can also be anonymous if you wish.

    Take care,

    Rebecca - Macmillan

    Cancer Information Support Team