Total loss of identity and confidence

 Karen_M 

Thank you for reaching out to Macmillan.

I am so sorry to hear that you are struggling with your self confidence; I can see that as well as your cancer diagnosis and treatment, you have had significant loss in your life.  Please accept our condolences, it has been such a sad time.  At times such as this, life can become overwhelming, and during this time reaching out for support is so important.  

I can appreciate that losing your confidence may feel frightening.  You mention "permanent torment"  Karen_M  I can't imagine how this must affect you day to day.  Perhaps you may like to give us a little more information about how you are coping?  

Before I share some options with youKaren_M , I would like to let you know that with regard to your cancer, your treatment, and your recovery, we have Cancer Information Nurses here on the Support Line.  Should you wish to discuss anything of a clinical nature with them, you are welcome to call, on any day from 8am to 8pm on 0808 808 0000.  This Cancer Information Nurses link will give you options to request a call back with them, or to live webchat and email if you wish.  They also have their own Forum on this Online Community.  I am wondering if reaching out for clinical support, will be a comfort to you.

I feel your post has two parts; the emotional side and then the lack of confidence. To support you emotionallyKaren_M you are very welcome to call the number above to speak with the Information and Support Team.  We are also available from 8am to 8pm every day.  We are a safe space to share your thoughts and feelings, and during our conversation we can talk about additional options to support you.  

You mention wanting to have someone with you all the time: I appreciate it's not the same, but would additional telephone support  be an option for you?  Perhaps Silver Line and Age UK can offer 24 hr support and friendship services. 

You may also like to explore making a referral for a Macmillan Buddy.  You may refer yourself, or, on a call with us, we can help you.  Perhaps a face to face option is preferable, you may pop your postcode into this Find Local Cancer Support to find any support groups close to you, and perhaps complimentary therapies, alongside your hypnotherapy.

Building your confidence takes time. You may find that things improve as you start to recover from cancer treatment, and take small steps moving forward from your grief.   You may learn new ways of doing things for yourself again.

It is best to set yourself small goals you know you can meet. Work towards larger goals by breaking them into smaller steps.

Perhaps your goal is to be able to enjoy a holiday, but the thought makes you anxious. Even 1 night away might be worrying. It might help to start by doing a day trip. Go somewhere you know well and can travel to easily. You may decide to only stay for 1 hour or so. The important thing to remember is that this is a step in the right direction.

As you achieve each goal, your confidence will start to grow. Remember to notice every success, no matter how small it seems. You might want to celebrate or reward yourself somehow. This may be as simple as writing about it in a diary. Or you could do something you enjoy, such as going to the cinema or out for a meal.

At times such as these, it's important to be kind to yourself.  Find something good in every day, it could something small like watching your favourite TV programme, reading a magazine, or spending time on a hobby.

Try to find time to see friends or family members regularly. It is good to do this even if you do not feel like it. Spending time with other people can help improve your mood if you feel down.

Recognise your successes, even the small ones. This will help build up your confidence as you get back into your usual routine.

 Karen_M if you feel you would like support with your confidence, and perhaps share your challenges, and thoughts with a group.  I have some organisations you may wish to explore,

The Macmillan HOPE programme  gives the option to take the support in a self directed way, in your own time, or join the course online with others. The next group option is 12 May 2025.  The link I posted gives you all the information on how to join the course, and the modules the course covers.  The content of the HOPE programme has been co-designed alongside people living with cancer, and is based on positive psychology mindfulness and cognitive behavioral therapy. It is built on 25 years of research evidence at Coventry university.

Other options you may like to explore to help move on with your life are;

Cancer Coach "Cancer Support UK provides practical and psychological support to people with cancer, during and after the treatment period. We support people with all kinds of cancer across the UK. Our services are designed and delivered by people who have experienced cancer themselves to improve the experience of others"

Odyssey "Challenging Cancer together.  Living with cancer can be overwhelming.  We're here to make sense of it all and support you in rebuilding your confidence and self esteem to take back control of your life. 

 Karen_M I am going to pause here, as I appreciate I run the risk of overwhelming you:  you can always come back to us again.

I wish you all the very best moving forward, and should you have more questions, or need more support, please feel you can post again, or indeed call us.