Confused and anxious

Hello SerSer and thank you for contacting the Online Community.

I’m so very sorry to hear your husband passed away, he sounds very lucky to have had you look after him and do all the things you did. It can take time to adjust to not doing these things anymore. Some people feel a bit lost, as though they have lost a sense of purpose. It sounds like that’s what you’re experiencing now.

It’s important to remember there is no right or wrong way to feel SerSer, and certainly no ‘timetable of grief’ that says you should be feeling a certain way after a certain amount of time. Try to be patient with yourself and just experience what you experience as it comes up. The fact that you’re aware of how you’re feeling and able to express these feelings is encouraging.

Some people find it helpful to talk to family or friends about how they are feeling. Sometimes it may be difficult and painful, you may cry or feel upset, but at other times, you may find you can share stories about your husband and smile at happy memories. As time goes on, it often gets easier to talk about times you shared together. Try to remember that the way you are feeling is normal, and that sharing your feelings with family or friends can help.

Sometimes it’s easier to talk to someone who is not part of your family or friendship group. There is support available to you after someone dies, you’d be welcome to speak to us here on our support line and there are organisations like Cruse Bereavement Care who offer bereavement support via phone (0808 808 1677) or via web chat through their website.

Fear is a natural feeling after the death of a relative or friend SerSer. You may worry about having to do things on your own and how you will manage. You may worry about going back to work or going out socially again. You might find the information on our website about how to cope with anxiety and stress helpful.

Perhaps start off with a basic routine, getting up at a certain time and having breakfast, going for a short walk, even if it’s just around the block. Small steps, you’ve had a huge change in your life, and you don’t need to rush anything. Change will come naturally, and with it, perhaps a new sense of purpose but try to be patient with yourself.

You might find some of the links below helpful.

Macmillan - After someone dies: coping with bereavement

Macmillan - Bereaved spouses and partners forum

AtaLoss.org provides the UK's signposting website for bereaved people, ensuring they and those supporting them find information and services appropriate to their loss.

We’re here for you if it would help to talk further SerSer. You can call in on 0808 808 00 00 (7 days a week, 8am – 8pm), web chat or email if you’d prefer.

Take care.