Dad recently diagnosed

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Hi I was wondering if you can support in me for caring for dad.

He was diagnosed a week ago with bladder cancer spread to lymph nodes he said he will fight it and will be recieving chemo next week.

The thing is he has spent the week in bed won't get out I'm going over 4 times a day to make meals and drinks although he's barely eating.

I understand he is probably processing but I'm worried he's heading towards depression I've had that chat with him he says he's not just rather be in bed.

Is there anything I can do? I don't think he will go to chemo next week which is his choice but I don't know what yo do

  • Hello Pinkc and thank you for reaching out.

    I’m sorry to hear about your dad’s diagnosis and that he seems to be struggling just now. It can’t have been easy news for him to hear and yes, he’s probably still processing what he’s been told, but seeing him like this must be hard.

    What do you think might happen if you didn’t go over and make meals for him Pinkc? Have you asked him?

    Has he given any indication that he won’t have chemotherapy, or is it just the fact that he’s been in bed constantly that makes you worried he won’t? Perhaps he’s worried about the side-effects of treatment, in which case he can speak to his cancer team or one of our Cancer Specialist Nurses here on our support line. You both might find our publication Understanding Chemotherapy helpful too.

    It’s difficult if he says he’s ok but his behaviour suggests otherwise. Does he have anyone else besides you who can support him or speak to him about how he’s feeling? We often here that patients find it difficult to talk to family members or people they’re close to as they’re afraid of upsetting or scaring them. Perhaps he might find it easier to speak to his cancer team or call our Macmillan Support Line. He could also speak to his GP if he feels depressed.

    Below are a couple of other publications on the emotional effects of cancer and how to support someone living with cancer that you both might find helpful.

    How are you feeling? The emotional effects of cancer

    Talking with someone who has cancer

    Pinkc I appreciate the news of your dad’s diagnosis and how he’s responded to it must be very difficult for you as well, how do you feel you’re coping emotionally? Do you have support around you, people you can open up to? It goes without saying that we’re here for you as well during this difficult time, so please stay in touch if it helps to talk or if he has any further questions. You can also speak to others who are going through something similar on our Family and friends forum

    Take care.

    Alex, Information and Support Adviser

    Remember you can also speak with the Macmillan Support Line team of experts. Phone free on 0808 808 0000 (7 days a week, 8am-8pm) or by email.