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Mum is dying of cancer

VickyR
  • 1 reply
  • 13 subscribers
  • 151 views

I found out yesterday that my mum has advanced cancer and it’s inoperable and she has months to live. My dad has dementia and says he can’t live without mum and I have recently been diagnosed with Audhd and my mum is also my support worker, carer, best friend and my world and I have not stopped crying, I’ve not eaten or smiled and I’ve been getting chest pains which I told family is my heart brePensiveing. I often describe myself as a child trapped in an adults body and I’m very very very scared. I don’t want to live without my mum. My screwed up brain is torturing me and I keep thinking of the fPensivet it’s our last Christmas together and she’s not going to see my next milestone birthday and everything feels bleak. I can’t speak or smile and just keep bursting into tears. My family doesn’t underPensiveand my condition and I have no one to talk to, no friends or a husband or partner and I have never felt so lost and alone Pensive

  • Thank you for your message VickyR.  I'm so sorry to hear  that your mum has months to live and that, understandably, you are finding this very emotional and difficult.
    I'm so pleased you got in touch with us, VickyR and please do keep in touch with us for support.  Our Support line is open from 8am until 8pm every day on 0808 808 0000.  While you're supporting your mum, it can be very useful to get some support for yourself and we can provide emotional support and listen.  In addition to the Online Community there is also live chat via our website every day. 
    If you prefer talking to someone in person, there are cancer support centres and groups around the country.  You can find your closest ones by inputting your postcode to the Macmillan In Your Area search.  
    It seems important that you get some support in place for yourself at this really difficult time, VickyR, and I hope the information I've provided above will help you to find some support. 
    I also wondered if you have any support at all with the diagnosis you've been given yourself?  If not, it might be worth talking to your GP or specialist about further support and someone to talk to about both coping with the diagnosis and with your mum's situation.  
    It can often be the case when we know someone has an incurable condition, to start to feel something like grief even though they are still with us.  It might be worth having a look at some resources which talk about that, including Anticipatory grief (Cruse Bereavement Care) and Anticipatory grief (Marie Curie).  You may recognise some of the emotions you are feeling and understand why this is the case and that it is to be expected at this very difficult time. 
    You may also find it helpful to look at Macmillan's booklets Cancer and relationships and Advanced cancer
    Yvonne, Information and Support Adviser

    Remember you can also speak with the Macmillan Support Line team of experts. Phone free on 0808 808 0000 (7 days a week, 8am-8pm) or by email.

    Yvonne, Information and Support Adviser

    Remember you can also speak with the Macmillan Support Line team of experts. Phone free on 0808 808 0000 (7 days a week, 8am-8pm) or by email.

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