I don't know how to talk to him about how he is feeling I'm on sick from work to be with him through this I don't know how to be around him I feel stuck. He couldn't have chemo last time his cells were down next blood test Friday chemo hopefully Monday but the last few days he hasn't seemed well but no temperature just being sick I don't know what to do or say and I'm rambling sorry
Hello Lindy and thank you for contacting the Macmillan Online Community.
I’m sorry to hear about your partner’s diagnosis, you’re going through this with him of course and we understand the impact cancer can have on loved ones. I’m glad you’ve reached out.
We can get so stuck on what to say or what not to say Lindy, but you can help just by listening to your partner and letting him talk. Listening carefully is a skill that you can learn. It can help you be more supportive and to better understand what he’s going through and what he needs. You can listen without feeling you need to have answers.
Have you asked your partner if he wants to talk? You do not always have to talk about the cancer. You could just listen and let him talk when he’s ready. Let him know that if he wants to talk about the cancer, you are willing to listen. Your partner may just want to talk about normal things, such as TV programmes, sports events or what has been happening in your life. There is something very reassuring about everyday conversations. This can help them to feel that cancer has not taken over every part of his life.
I would encourage you to have a look at our publication Talking with someone who has cancer. It includes suggestions on how to be a good listener, how to talk about cancer and how to offer practical help while looking after yourself. It also has details of how to get support. Our publication Cancer and relationships has information about coping with your feelings when someone you care about has cancer. It is for anyone who is close to someone with cancer, including partners, family members and friends. It also has information about getting support and dealing with relationship changes.
I appreciate this must be a difficult time for you Lindy, do you have support for yourself? People you can talk to about how this is affecting you? We’re here if it would help to talk more about this. You can call in on 0808 808 00 00 (7 days a week, 8am – 8pm), web chat or email if you’d prefer. We also have an online forum for family and friends where you can share your feelings and get support.
Take care.
Alex, Information and Support Adviser
Remember you can also speak with the Macmillan Support Line team of experts. Phone free on 0808 808 0000 (7 days a week, 8am-8pm) or by email.
