Telling my 18 year old (studying for A levels) about my diagnosis

 Poppy1402  Thank you for contacting Macmillan.  I am so sorry to hear you have a diagnosis of endometrial cancer.  

I can see your schedule is very busy, and in combination with supporting and caring for your son, sometimes life can become overwhelming.  May I take a moment to ask, how are you just now?   Of course, we will give you some options for son, but please feel we are here for you as well.  You are welcome to reach out here, or via webchat or phone us on 0808 808 0000 between 8am and 8pm on any day.

 We appreciate that telling anyone that you have cancer is such a difficult thing to do, and you are right, the way you let your son know your news is so important.  It is better for him to know the truth as soon as you feel able, rather than find out later on.  If he finds out later, he may feel hurt and upset that he wasn’t able to support you.

I will post some suggestions, but of course you know your son better than anyone, so I am sure you will find the words that are most natural for you.  Try to tell him what in particular is worrying you. It may be easier to narrow this down by taking the conversation in stages and small “chunks”

You could start by saying something general, such as, ‘I’m worried about how things are at the moment.’.

If you are struggling, you could try and say something like this:

• “this is going to be difficult, but I need to tell you something”
• “You know I have been feeling unwell for a while. I have had some tests and they have found out what’s wrong”

It may be an option to ask, what he already knows?  This will help, as you can build upon this.  Say a few sentences and check he understands what you are saying before you carry on. You can ask things such as, ‘Does that make sense?’. Asking him if he understands may also help you feel listened to.

He may not know what to say. Holding hands, hugging or just sitting together can often say more than any words.

If you find a silence makes you feel uncomfortable, break it with a simple question such as, ‘What are you thinking about?’.

Don’t be afraid to say how you feel, for example you may say things like “I know you are worried about what could happen, and so am I”  The more aware you are of each other’s feelings, the easier it is to support each other.

After you have spoken with your son, you may like to have support options immediately to hand.

I appreciate your son is 18, but you may find the details in the link below helpful:  it also contains a booklet to download with additional support for young people who are affected by cancer.

Talking to teenagers

One option mentioned in the booklet is Rip Rap.  This organisation has been developed for teenagers when a parent has cancer.  It has a forum for young people to chat to others in the same situation.

Rip Rap

Your son is also welcome to call us, or web-chat with us.  Many young people like to web-chat and this service, like the phone line, is open from 8am to 8pm every day.  The link below will give you more details, with a button to click to open the “chat”

Macmillan webchat support

 Poppy1402  I appreciate you have a lot to think about and I don’t wish to overwhelm you, as you can always come back to us.

I wish you, and your son, all the very best.

Take Care

Thank you for your comprehensive and speedy reply, Liz. I will read and digest it properly, then let you know if I have any questions.

I just wanted to let you know that whilst this has come as a huge shock to me, I am ok at the moment and managing to stay positive.