Hello.
I am a 31-year-old woman who has just started my master's degree in the UK. I came here since I may need someone to talk with, but I don't know how I can find the right person.
This August, my mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. She is probably in stage 2. She is now on her 2nd chemotherapy. After she has enough chemotherapy, she will have surgery and will start chemo again to prevent the cancer recurring.
Before I heard this, I was thinking about living in the UK or Europe for many years and finding a career path here. My goal for studying abroad was to find a job after studying in the UK. I was excited and motivated.
However, after she was diagnosed, I felt like I was doing wrong. I already paid bloody expensive tuition for an international student so I definitely will finish studying here, but after studying, I feel like I should go back to my country and support her. But if I go back to my home, I will not go back to the UK. It is too far and takes too much cost and time if I move from country to country.
So if I go back there in the future, it sounds like I came here at the wrong time. Also, I strongly feel responsibility to get married and have a child for my mom. I did not expect that I was going to feel like this. But now, I think if I do not take this action, I will regret it in the future. I know that she wants me to go to the next stage of my life. She never suggests me but I feel it. My body is mine. My life is mine, so I should just do what I want to do. I know this feeling comes from social pressure, but I also know that this is a better plan for me. I am so scared to regret it after I lose her, which I do not want to think about, but reality might be tough.
I wish I could be pregnant and have a child so easily. But I have to find someone who is in a serious relationship. Also, it takes time to give a birth. Then when am I going to find a job, and then where am I going to live after the UK?
This idea stays in my head, and it disturbs me to focus on the present, like studying and dating.
I have a sister in my home country, but she was disconnected from the whole family about several years ago because of depression. She knows about our mom, but she does not come back to my hometown and say hi to my parents. This is also another reason that I feel responsibility as a child.
I wish I could talk with someone who has a similar situation or had the same experience. Please give me some tips.
Thank you very much.