Scared

Hi Frazzled 

My name is Jess, I’m a Cancer Information and Support Adviser here at Macmillan.

I can hear that things feel very uncertain for you at the moment, and it’s completely natural that you would be feeling scared. I’m so glad you’ve felt able to get in touch with us about how this is affecting you and to seek further support.

You mentioned they are running tests just now. Have your medical team given you any further information on what they are looking for exactly? I’d like you to know we have a team of specialist Cancer Information Nurses here on the Support Line, if you did wish to speak to them you’re more than welcome to. They can discuss what you might expect from here in terms of the process and any other clinical questions or concerns you might have. You can call on 0808 808 00 00, selecting option 1, then option 3. Lines are open 8am-8pm. They are also available on webchat and by email too.

I appreciate this feels very challenging as everything is up in the air, but there are a few things that might help you to cope with these difficult feelings during this time. It’s important to remember there’s no right or wrong way to deal with this – this is about you and what you find useful and helpful. Some people find that keeping to their normal routine can be a welcome distraction and help to maintain control and normality. Some people also look for more information about cancer; this can help you feel more in control whilst you are waiting for results, but equally some information can be confusing and upsetting. If you do look for further information, make sure it’s from a reliable source such as our nurses here on the Support Line, or our Macmillan website.

You also mentioned you’re alone except your children. Do you have anyone else for support at all, or anyone you’ve felt comfortable in telling about what you’re going through? You are always welcome to talk things over with our specialist advisers here on the Support Line. We can offer a listening ear, space to talk over how you’re feeling, as well as providing general information and support. As you're probably already aware, we have our Online Community too; it can be a valuable source of peer support, and reassurance in knowing that you aren’t alone in how you’re feeling.

Sending you best wishes

Jess
Cancer Information and Support Adviser

No no one has said what their looking for. I have my kids only.. a bunch of people I know but couldnt lean on them. I feel so scared and alone it's not even funny.. I have a PET scan today I'm scared of.. I feel like I'm in a nightmare I cant wake up from a bad dream.. I cant leave my house as I feel frozen in place.. 

 Hello @Frazzled

Thank you for taking the time to get back in touch.

I’m so sorry to hear that things are feeling so scary just now that you feel frozen in place and unable to leave the house. It must be really hard holding the uncertainty of not knowing what is being looked for in these tests. With you contacting us at Macmillan it sounds like this could have left you feeling very worried about cancer? And so, as Jess say’s, we’re very glad you have got in touch.

With today feeling so tough, and the scan feeling so scary Frazzled, would you feel able to get in touch with us on the Support Line this morning so you’d be able to talk through how you are feeling and the worries you have? Our Cancer Information Team are available for emotional support and our Information Nurses could talk through your worries about the scan if that would feel helpful? We don’t want you struggling on your own. You could either call us on: 0808 808 00 00, or speak to us on web chat if easier. Whatever feels best for you. We also do have the option for you to request a call back via our online form.

In your initial message Frazzled you say you’re struggling not to give up because it is all so terrifying which sounds really overwhelming for you. May I ask, in ‘giving up’ do you mean no longer going to appointments or are you saying you have you had thoughts of taking your own life? I know it can feel a difficult question to be asked, but I want to make sure we are supporting you as best we can. Both sound really difficult to cope with and we would hate for you to be feeling this way alone. If you’ve had either of these thoughts it’s really important you access support: as well as keeping in touch with us, its really important your healthcare team know so they can be supporting as much as possible. Often, we feel this way when what we are facing feels as if it is far outweighing the support or resources we have to cope, but I’d hope with more support in place Frazzled, step by step, things would start to feel more manageable.

Their just thoughts nothing I'd ever do as I'm a believer in God.. just not sure what his plans for me are now this has happened I feel like I mustve been bad or something cause he isnt supposed to give us more then we can handle and im not sure he judged me right cause im.finding it alot to handle.. im just so scared and angry lately..all the waiting .. this PET scan is today so am sat here waiting again.. I can't call cause it's easier for me to write at minute cause not much of what I say makes sense.. I'm just rambling alot lately because I dont know anything...

Thank you for getting back to us so quickly @Frazzled

I can hear how confusing it’s feeling, trying to make sense of why you are having to go through this experience. I want to assure you that ill health or cancer does not discriminate anyone can be affected through no fault of their own so please don’t be giving yourself a hard time thinking you must have been bad for this to happen.

I wonder if this is feeling like a lot to handle Frazzled, not because something has gone wrong, but because you are a human being and there is only so much any of us can hold or go through on our own. It’s understandable you’d be feeling scared and angry just now as I can hear this situation and uncertainty has left you feeling very vulnerable. Not knowing what is happening can be such an unsettling experience. It may be of comfort just now, when you feel your thoughts racing, and you become overwhelmed, to help ground by gently reminding yourself that at this point you are having tests, your team want to look at things a bit more, you have not been diagnosed with whatever is feeling frightening in your mind.

It’s absolutely fine if you don’t feel able to call Frazzled. There is no pressure at all. The support you receive from us is on your terms. But if it helps, all you are saying makes sense and doesn’t sound rambly at all. You are trying to make sense of how you feel and what is happening and that is a really needed and important process.

With it feeling easier to write, if you would like to chat to our Support Teams in real time on a 1-2-1 basis, so you can have a more in depth conversation, our web chat is an option there for you 8am-8pm, 7 days a week.

I hope you get on okay at your scan today Frazzled.