Advice/help needed depression MH following surgery

  • 1 reply
  • 12 subscribers


I’m sorry to reach out I understand everyone is so busy but I can’t manage to help my husband and what to do? I don’t know who to ask I’m struggling so much and have been for a very long time 

in brief husband diagnosed prostrate c (picked up on routine bloods at a certain age) forward to him having radical surgery, wiped him out and the depression kicked in he couldn’t do farm work etc IDisappointedave struggled to support him every step of the way .. he feels a failure despite been fully supported loved  and cared for during which lockdown happened so we couldn’t access hospital appointments Disappointedlly for follow ups he is/has pushed me away he feels his masculinity as been taken from him … This is  causing his depression to worsen .. I should have contacted you first for help as I clearly donDisappointed know what I’m doing … I contacted GP who just wanted to fish out anti depressants having told him they have side effects (he put them in the bin) I felt he needed to talk to somebody as to how he iDisappointedfeeling, he won’t talk to me … I love him to the moon and back been married for over 30 years .. he also works away and all this is adding to the depression DisappointedSob

  • Dear  

    Thank you for taking the time to contact Macmillan Cancer Support. I am so sorry to hear about your husband diagnosis and the understandable emotional impact this is having on you both. It sounds like he has an incredibly support in you, but equally taking its toil on both your emotional and mental well being. Can I ask if the GP offered any counselling support at your husband's appointment?  Anti-depressants aren’t for everyone and just having a safe space to talk openly with someone can be really helpful. We have are currently running a partnership with BUPA where he could refer himself for a well being assessment that can then lead onto up six sessions of counselling. Alternatively, there is a charity set up specifically for Men to talk to, Andy’s Man Club, a space just for Men to talk about their emotions, not necessarily cancer related. These may be a starting point to encourage your husband to reach out to someone outside of yourself and closer network. 

    Can I ask @struggling wife if you have any support for yourself? Whether it is family, friends, support groups? You’re well being is important too and this has had an impact on you too. The Macmillan support line is here for you both, a listening ear should you ever need it, you can contact us on here, webchat or our support line 0808 808 00 00. We also have an In your Area section on our website that can also bring up local support, that are often open to the patient as well as family and friends. This support can include, befriending, counselling, support group and complimentary therapies, so may be worth a look for you both. It is important to remember there is not one shoe that fits all when it comes to emotional support and may be a little trial and error for you both to decided what works best for each of you as individuals and then being able to support each other. 

     @Struggling wife, we’re here to help you with further queries and to provide emotional support.  You’d be welcome to contact us on the Macmillan Support Line to talk things through. We offer a listening ear. We also have a team of cancer information nurses, if you have any medical queries, and a financial help team who can give guidance on benefits, grants and schemes, and also personal finance, such as mortgages, pensions and insurance. You can call us on 0808 808 00 00, 8am-8pm, Monday to Sunday, continue to email us, or contact us on our online chat facility here.

    If you’d prefer face-to-face support, there are cancer information centers where you can drop in to have a chat with someone, ask any questions, and find out more about local support. To find out about local support centers and groups in your area, click here.

    I hope you found this information helpful,

    Kind regards 


    Jess, Information and Support Adviser

    Remember you can also speak with the Macmillan Support Line team of experts. Phone free on 0808 808 0000 (7 days a week, 8am-8pm) or by email.