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Parenting a Teenager when the other Parent has Terminal Cancer

Bertie16
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I know there is no 'How to be a Parent' book.. but I could really do with some pointers..

My son's dad has a terminal diagnosis and my son is really struggling.  We don't live with his dad but they see each other every other weekend. 

Since we told him the news, he has really gone into himself -some of this may be 'usual' teenage age and stage behavior, but it seems to go beyond this.  He won't talk about it, he doesn't want to read, hear, go to any support relating to cancer.  He is receiving a weekly counselling session at school but he says that he doesn't want to talk about it with them. 

I'm not pushing him to access anything he doesn't want to, so far I have been gently inviting conversation and showing him where he can access support.  

He is not interested in completing any homework, has gone off participating much in school and has started to get into trouble for low level disruptive behavior.  Previously he was very engaged and we were really close -there wasn't much he wouldn't share.  These days he has gone silent, he doesn't want to eat, doesn't want to go out... Not talking about, or acknowledging it doesn't seem to help either.  He's not giving much away so it is hard to understand what he needs (or doesn't) -I've got no data to work with!  

I've been in touch with RipRap, Winston's Wish and Maggies.  

Does anyone have any ideas/experiences/stories they could share?  Help... 

  • Hello  

     

    Thank you for getting in touch with us. I’m sorry to hear about your son. I can see from what you have said that you are trying really hard to help him engage with the support on offer, but despite this he seems reluctant to reach out. I guess it’s understandable this might be the case, particularly with young people in their teenage years. It may be that in time he feels more comfortable engaging with it, and accepting the support, but for now perhaps it might be best to allow him the space to process things on his own. How are things for you Bertie16?

    We are certainly here for yourself, your son or any family members to talk things through. We have a freephone support line 0808 808 00 00 and an online webchat service. Both are open seven days a week 8am – 8pm.

    It may be worth having a look at our booklet, ‘talking to children and teenagers when an adult has cancer’ It provides guidance about to approach him with these conversations and also how to help understand his reactions and feelings.

    We also have a friends and family forum on the community which might be able to help provide any guidance. It may be that others on the forum have experienced something similar with one of their children.

    It’s clear that your son has support from yourself and the school in addition to the resources that you mentioned. We are certainly here for him and yourself, so please do stay in touch with us Bertie16.

    David, Information and Support Adviser

    Remember you can also speak with the Macmillan Support Line team of experts. Phone free on 0808 808 0000 (7 days a week, 8am-8pm) or by email.

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