Hi, I am looking to find out what support I can get for my two daughters. They are 15 & 18. Their father (my ex-husband) has terminal cancer and only has months left he tells us. He has started trying to discuss will writing and funeral arrangements with them which they are obviously finding extremely upsetting. My ex and I do talk, but we are not close. I have re-married. We divorced about 6 years ago. What help or support is available for my girls?
Thanks
Hello Muma Bear and thank you for contacting the online community.
I’m sorry to hear about your ex-husband’s diagnosis and the fact this is having such an understandable impact on your daughters. It’s difficult to imagine what they must be going through just now.
Do they talk to you about how they’re feeling at all Muma Bear? Talking might help them if they’re feeling overwhelmed with worry and reassure them that what they’re feeling is normal.
You’d be welcome to pass on our number (0808 808 00 00) if they’d like to speak to myself or one of my colleagues on our support line or they can web chat with us if they’d prefer. We also have a team of cancer specialist nurses here if they have any medical questions they’d like to ask.
It is a good idea to let their school/college know if they’re not aware already Muma Bear. This way, they can be sensitive to your daughters’ needs and it can also help to understand any unusual or difficult behaviour. You could also ask them to support your daughters by giving them more one-to-one time and see if they can arrange for them to have some time with the school nurse or counsellor too.
Hope Support Services supports 11 – 25-year-olds when a family member is diagnosed with a life-threatening illness. You can visit their website or call them on 01989 566317 to find out more about what they do.
Childline is a free, private and confidential service where young people can talk about anything. Their number is 0800 1111 and there are lots of useful resources on their website such as message boards and a ‘1-2-1’ counsellor chat service.
Youth Access is the national membership organisation for young people’s information, advice, counselling and support services (YIACS). You can find your local Youth Access service via the website.
Riprap is a website developed especially for teenagers in the UK who have a parent with cancer. It has an online forum where teenagers going through similar experiences can talk to each other for support.
The family’s GP can also look at what support’s available locally as can social services and psychological services at the hospital.
You might also like to look at our booklet Talking to Children and Teenagers when an Adult has Cancer which can help you understand your daughters’ reactions and gives tips on how to help them cope. Our booklet Preparing a Child for Loss was produced with Winstons Wish for parents who have a diagnosis of terminal cancer and are nearing the end of life. It aims to support them in having the difficult conversations necessary to prepare a child for the death of a parent or close family member.
How are you coping with your ex-husband’s diagnosis and the effect it’s having on your daughters Muma Bear? I can appreciate it must be difficult for you to see them struggle and I want you to know that we’re here to support you through this as well. Please stay in touch if it helps to talk or if you have any further questions.
Take care.
Alex, Information and Support Adviser
Remember you can also speak with the Macmillan Support Line team of experts. Phone free on 0808 808 0000 (7 days a week, 8am-8pm) or by email.
