overwhelmed?

2 minute read time.

A nice start to the day with a nice long bath, of course tucking the tubes up out of the way so they don't get wet, followed by only having to shout 4 times to get my 13 yr old out of the house so we could get to my mums for lunch, time being the essence today as they were off to Devon at about 4.

"you look pale and fraught" said my mum, more than once. I wasn't feeling fraught. But it got me thinking.

And I think all the help is getting to me! How odd does that sound? And perhaps ungrateful?? But I am used to my space and independence. And I AM appreciating all the help. She is planning on redecorating the girls bedrooms. It is overdue! And the bathroom, ditto.

But what is getting to me is how many times she phones, and how long she wants to talk for, often repeating herself. Now, I KNOW she is worried. I KNOW she wants to help. But talking in person knackers me out. Sometimes I do not want to talk, to anyone, or even HEAR other people talking! Does that sound odd? Anyway, I sent her an email, along the lines of what I said here....


""Thanks for lovely Sunday lunch, hope your visit goes well :) happy

I wasn't feeling fraught, but I did think about why you may have said that.
I think I am feeling a bit overwhelmed. I am used to lots of space and independence.
I am enjoying and appreciating the help from you and other mums etc, but, sometimes my brain is tired
and I don't want to talk or to hear people talking, or find it hard to concentrate! Does that sound odd?? I-) sleepy
Others I have spoken to say they found it the same whilst having chemo - things need to be kept simple and
you know when you can talk and when you can't and it seems rude to say to people, do you know, I can't really chat at the moment, try me again later/tomorrow, but I suppose you have to do it otherwise you get more tired?
So. To compensate fro the days when I'm not chatty, I thought of a plan to help us all.
When we decide what is best thing for you two to do to help on Wed mornings, let's write it down, me in my diary, you in yours, then we don't need to talk about it a lot unless it needs dates changing or something adding.
 And, last but not least, THANK YOU
Lots of Love and cwtchs :-* kiss
Ems xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx   ""

I hope that sounds okay to them!!?!
P worked too long today to appreciate his night off so he's asleep on his sofa and I wanted to go drink coffee down the Bear so I'm sulking a bit now but that's what happened when you date someone who runs a hotel and restaurant!! I did say to the Universe that my next fella needed to have a job and work hard. HAH be careful what you wish for lol! ;) A new chef and new menu has meant a manic weekend, but I think he has Mon eve off , so hopefully, tomorrow evening shall be all ours!!

I am stuffing red grapes down me. I guess it balances out the chocolate I stuffed earlier!

A friend tells me a woman we know from our kids' primary school is also thinner and sporting a head scarf in our village ... blimey. I like her too, although that sounds silly. Anyway, maybe we'll do coffee over bald heads?
Anonymous
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    My comment disappeared! Grrr...

    Sorry, I have to go to sleep now so can't write it all again, but sending you a big hug xxxxxxxxxxx and cwtches and bug hugs!

    Little My xxxx

    it was about mums and how they are just mums and maybe you can text her and say I am not answering the phone tonight cos  I am tired so she knows you are ok.. and there was something about you being superwoman wanting to go out...

    Don't overdo it tomorrow and looks like you might need your spotty dotty mac tomorrow...

    xxxxx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Aw I needed all those types of hugs!!!

    Good plan re: mum, and thats why I suggested to her we wrote stuff in diary and then just chat occasionally, like we normally would! And I know WHY she's like it, but I can't handle it all the time and she needs to know when :))

    Going out? It was only to sit on the sofa by the fire in the old pub for an hour with a coffee, nothing glitzy or too active lol!

    I hope I get to wear my mac! And no, I won't overdo anything. Thanks chica, you're a star :))

    Love n Cwtchs xxxxxx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    *hugs*

    I want people around me; I don't necessarily want to interact with them all the time. If they're just in the next room, or downstairs, that's good.

    Bad as it sounds, I'm glad my mum died before this happened. She was 94, and trying to explain things to her without worrying her would have been more than I could've coped with.

    xxx Hilary

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    ((((((((((((((((((((xxxxxx)))))))))))))))))))))

    No I havent lost the plot ....yet!! giving you a big hug cos Im not talking today :)..........well maybe a little,

    I used to let Dave approach me when he wanted to talk...took a long while for me to understand that he was ok....just didnt want to speak. He is still like it now, not as much but I think its more to do with his nutty episode now.

    Your mum will be ok with it....just a mum thing, as you know...we need to fuss and take care of you x

    ((((((((((((((((((((((((((XXXXXXXXX)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    You lot are just too fab! And may start me crying again but I won't coz I'm in work (sshhh) and its happytears this time. I sent P a very sorry-for-myself-text last night and he called me full of apologies for having such a stupid job with silly hours and I cried and he was very kind and then my friend L called me and that cheered me up and then I went to bed :)

    Hilary - yes, it's nice to have people 'there' but not necessarily right next to you! I'm learning NOT to worry about how others are feeling so much , its tricky to find the balance between caring about them but not being the carer when its you with the cancer! xxxxx

    Shaz - oooooooooh nice hugs! :)

    Yes, I think my mum will understand, and I'm learning to put me first more often but not in too selfish a way!

    ((((((((((((((((((((xxxxxxxx)))))))))))))))))