A short wait until meds this morning and I am now beginning to believe there has been an improvement in my back, as well as an improvement in management so feeling chipper about this.
Very wet here yesterday. Storm Boelo due mid-morning so the hatches are battened down. We live in a rural but not isolated village, so not out in the wilds. Still our house is exposed to the wind. The wind speeds are often high. It is just that it is for so long this weekend. Fortunately for us we can all stay home until it is over. The kids don't have to go to work or do nursery runs so they can stay home too.
4am meds kicked in, it is approaching 5am and I have my coffee, lovely.
I have been spending some therapy time thinking about some thoughts and feelings since my last scan results. They were good, everything we could hope for. I have been fortunate that treatment is working. That my body is hacking treatment and I still have a quality of life that makes it all worth it.
Last year I went from chest infection late June, to incurable cancer in Sept. Depending on treatment, if it didn't work, months, maybe not many, if treatment went well, a year, maybe a bit more ( those were the exact words and they have stuck in my mind) I am into the bit more.
I feel emotional, so much happiness, the kids got married, I have seen Equinox, Solstices, birthdays, had a shed load of time that we didn't know we could have. Precious time.
I have felt somewhat untethered and knocked back during Oct, there have been a lot of unforeseen circumstances, lots of changes of plans and I have felt rough and in pain for a lot of it.
There is also this weird feeling, about what I am now calling ' the bit more time'. It is not a bad weird, sort of Twilight Zone. I like doing the music in my head sometimes...
It can also be confronting, scary and distressing. I want to get my teeth into this more. I am just not there yet. I can do little bits. I need some stability in my physical fitness and life in general to get a more even keel day by day.
It feels like a really good start today, day by day improvement and better in myself.
I don't expect to feel particularly strong over the next few days. I do think I can build up more resilience, physically and emotionally and those the building blocks to that and that is a good place to be.
I hope you have a good day for you.
