Slept for 6 hours solid, it has been months since I have done that. Woke up with a clear head. Moved with extreme caution and found that back pain so much reduced. Made it to the loo in a timely fashion and in my head I was skipping there and back.
I entertained the idea that I may be able to continue with my happy plans for later this week. Imagining how much better I could be by Thursday. Given that a big point of spending 4 days with the family was to be playing with a 3 year old whenever I could, it is plainly ridiculous no matter how desperately I want to go. On this I feel crushed.
I phoned the GP, got a call back in the afternoon, no evidence of UTI which has spared me the unpleasantness of antibiotics and plenty of worry.
Mental health wise, good discussion. Despite being not symptomatic right now for a depression, my history with it, identifying vulnerability and given everything I am facing , means starting meds was an option. I am trying a new one, it's not sedative like my usual one. There are side effects but they will make themselves known quickly. This is a good time in the Chemo cycle to try something new. For depression takes a month to be fully effective.
As well as a depression sneak in I had been thinking about what if there is a pile up situation, where a few things happen really quickly and I just break.Yesterday was a pile up situation. While I didn't break, it really reminded me how quick, intense and overwhelming things can be.How much it takes to recover from that. I feel that while I had a terrible day it was good when it came to informing the decision to take them.
Put bluntly as I am measuring life in extended months, month by Chemo month, do I have the luxury of time to watch and wait? I don't think so on balance. If I have to go on them down the line, trying something new would be a big risk for effectiveness and side effects. I would go with what I know despite the known onerous side effects.
No pressure from GP to take meds now and they would write them up as an option in the plan both new and old and I could take time to think about it. My usual med is something I could take with Chemo. That's a reassurance.
Now to work out what I can do today.
Little things that make me smile, auto generated subtitle bloopers. Yesterday it was 'floor to ceiling windows '. The windows took a dark turn as they became 'toe sealing windows'. Ouch.
I hope you have a good day for you.
